


You Are My Pearl (Rewrite)

by AlwaysBringPearl (WinterWolf773)



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Mind Control, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Other, Pearlswap AU, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Torture, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-02
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-06-02 12:47:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 35,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19441768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterWolf773/pseuds/AlwaysBringPearl
Summary: Re-write! Pearl is captured by White Diamond and faces her power against Pearl's will. Mostly Pearl-centric. Based on the theory that Pearl belonged to White Diamond and that White Diamond has some mind control over other gems. Relationship between Mystery Girl and Pearl ends up being a larger part of the story.





	1. Peace Offering

**Author's Note:**

> This is a complete re-write of the story You are My Pearl, different perspective, changes in timeline and characters, a more planned out plot, etc., so lots of changes. I wrote this so it would be easier for me to continue writing, more compliant with the overall plot I developed now that I have a better idea of what this story's plot is, and slightly more canon compliant since I started this before ASPR originally. Hope you enjoy!!! I also started a Tumblr for my SU fics and fanart doodles: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/alwaysbringpearl

Pearl, Garnet, and Amethyst watched as Steven bounded down the stairs to the beach and towards the car wash to tell Greg what had just happened. A ship from White Diamond’s court had landed on the beach. The Crystal Gems had been prepared for a fight as two white topaz’s, and a small troop of milky quartzes and white jaspers had filed out onto the sand. There was no battle though, a moonstone, opal, and white sapphire soon followed out of the ship and delivered a message. White Diamond was offering meeting for peace talks.

It was hard to believe, but Moonstone had even offered her opal as a sign of good faith. The Crystal Gems had declined the opal as well as the offer of transport. Thankfully, Lars and the Off Colors had made it to Earth recently, so they had a ship of their own. They accepted the meeting and said they would rendezvous in one day Earth’s time at a neutral location Pearl had suggested. Moonstone agreed to return to her diamond with the response and the Homeworld Gems all left.

“Garnet, Amethyst…” Pearl started once Steven was thoroughly out of earshot, “there’s something I need to tell you that I don’t want Steven to know.”  
Garnet didn’t visibly react.  
Amethyst shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “What’s up P.?”

Pearl took in a deep breath and looked at the ocean. “Garnet...you know who I served during the war.”  
“...Pink Diamond. You were her pearl; it was how we were able to spy on their plans.”  
Pearl nodded, fingers gripped hard into the wood of the balcony. “Yes, except… I was only on loan to her. There was a pearl made specifically for Pink Diamond, one that matched her, too well actually. She had Pink’s gem placement and a more impulsive personality. She ended up being...taken away by White Diamond.”

Pearl shuddered and shook her head as she remembered a hollow smile and bleached skin. “I was transferred to Pink Diamond until a new, more suitable pearl could be made for her.”

Garnet’s hands uncrossed and shock was now apparent on her face. “Pearl, are you saying…are you saying you were White Diamond’s Pearl?”  
Pearl nodded, “Yes. I was due to be returned to her soon when the war took the turn it did.”  
Amethyst’s mouth was also agape. “So wait, one you spied on the diamonds, damn Pierogi. Two, you know the gem that is literally the ruler of the entire Gem Empire and you never told us?”

Pearl wrapped her arms around herself and squeezed her eyes shut. “It…it wasn’t a pleasant time in my life Amethyst. I don’t even really like thinking about it,” her voice lowered until it was barely audible, “being her pearl was hell.”  
Amethyst frowned, ever since Steven was old enough to talk she hadn’t heard Pearl cuss at all.

After a beat Garnet spoke up. “This changes likely futures…I thought this might be a trap before but-”  
“Oh I highly doubt her sincerity as well,” Pearl interjected, “but I can also see some sliver of logic in it. If White can heal the Corruptions, she may gain some Gems back. As Peridot said, the Empire is starting to struggle finding new resources, so this may be enticing enough to make her claim genuine. It is still a huge risk though. White can completely take over a Gem…bleach them out and make them nothing but a puppet. It takes time, an hour at least before she can completely take over a Gem like that, but she also has limited mind control over all Gems, even those not made specifically for her court. We need several plans to deal with the possible alternatives.”

  
*****

  
It had been a trap after all. Much to everyone’s surprise, Pearl was the actual target of White Diamond’s schemes. Garnet had foreseen such a possibility, but Pearl had dismissed it. She was just a pearl in Homeworld’s eyes after all, just property, and White Diamond was not known to be sentimental about property.

Stevonnie, Garnet, and Amethyst were all trapped by a field on a lower level in the room, installations that were hastily added before the Crystal Gems arrived. Pearl was on a platform above, weapon drawn, but frozen by a command from White Diamond.

White Diamond towered over all of them, her light blinding and her piercing gaze causing everyone’s skin to crawl.  
Her voice was sweet and booming. “Pearl, so good to see you after all of these years.”  
Pearl shook and her breath hitched. Stevonnie and the others struggled to move but were too frozen to even speak.

White continued. “You have been tainted by these criminals for far too long Pearl. It is time for you to return to your place. Kneel Pearl.”  
Pearl strained and gasped. “N-no! I belong to no one! You are not my diamond anymore!”  
Everyone flinched when White Diamond laughed.

“Well, well, it seems they have taught you about strength my Pearl. You’ve never been able to resist my direct orders before, even temporarily. Now, KNEEL!”  
Even the Crystal Gems trapped in the field felt the urge to kneel. Pearl cried out and fell to one knee, but kept her head up. She gritted her teeth and started to cry.

Something about seeing Pearl in tears snapped Stevonnie out of White’s control for a moment and they blurted out the first thing that came to their mind. “PEARL! You’re strong in the REAL WAY!”  
White laughed again. “How quaint. Pearl, when you kneel to me you are to look down.”

Pearl looked at Stevonnie and smiled, mouthing a thank you. With a yell, she stood to her feet. “NO! I belong to no one!”  
Pearl shot a beam from her spear that destroyed the control for the device paralyzing her comrades and shouted. “Garnet! Plan B!”

White poofed Pearl with a single finger and plucked her gem from the ground.  
“Pearl!” Stevonnie yelled and tried to rush forward, but Garnet stopped them and grabbed Amethyst.  
“We have to go!” Garnet yelled.  
Stevonnie pushed past Garnet and tried to go for White Diamond, but Garnet knocked them out with a karate chop to the back of the neck. “I’m sorry Stevonnie, we have to leave her.”  
*****  
Steven woke up with a gasp. He looked around and saw he was on the Sun Incinerator. Amethyst was nearby and Connie was next to him, still unconscious. “Connie!”  
“She’s okay Steven,” Garnet walked over, “you two just separated after I knocked you out.”  
Steven seemed relieved and then panicked again as he looked around. “Wait, where’s Pearl?”

Amethyst looked away, hiding her face.  
Garnet sat down. “Steven, Pearl thought White Diamond’s invitation to peace talks might be a trap. My future vision confirmed this and I did see a possibility White was after Pearl, although it seemed unlikely. There was also a possibility the invitation was genuine. We created a few plans, one of them was to leave her behind if White did come after her and she was unable to escape.”  
“We tried to talk her out of it,” Amethyst added, “but she said the chance, even slim, that White Diamond did actually want a peaceful solution was worth the risk.”

Steven clenched his fists and teeth and started to cry out of anger. “Why didn’t you tell me any of this?! We’re a team! I thought you had finally started trusting me!”  
“We do Steven! It’s just, well…” Amethyst looked at Garnet.

“Steven, this is war. Sometimes we work together with complete transparency, and sometimes we have to make a plan that sacrifices some to protect the rest. Pearl understood this, and she asked we didn’t include you because she didn’t want you to have to shoulder the burden of willingly leaving her behind. And because…honestly, in several of the futures I saw where this was a trap, we were all shattered, except for the scenarios where Pearl overcame White Diamond’s control, and that ended with Pearl being shattered. It was so improbable that White Diamond would simply destroy Pearl’s physical form and take her gem. We didn’t have a plan for that, and I couldn’t use my Future Vision since we had pool hopped. So, I made the decision to protect who I could. It was what Pearl wanted – especially since you joined us instead of staying to protect the ship.”

“We can get her back though right? I mean, we’ve done plenty of things that we were told is impossible, why would this be any different?” Amethyst didn’t look completely convinced as she spoke.  
“I don’t know.” Garnet said flatly. “This timeline is still too improbable right now.”  
Steven covered his face with his hands. “What will happen to Pearl? What is White Diamond going to do to her?”

“We had the right to know how dangerous this mission was.” Connie was conscious again.  
“Connie! Are you okay?” Steven turned and wiped the tears from his face.  
“Steven and I, we had a right to know! And we had a right to know that we might lose Pearl. I get that we would have felt really bad leaving her behind on purpose…but we had the right to know! Pearl taught me everything she knew about being a knight, I would have understood! I would have,” Connie started crying, “we have to get her back. We have to save her.”

Steven hugged Connie and she buried her face into his shoulder.  
“We will Connie. Somehow. I’m not sure how yet, but, we will.”  
Garnet wrapped her arms around the two. “Right, we will. The future may be uncertain, but we can work towards the one we want the most.  
*****  
Pearl hadn’t expected to have to reform. She debated holding off for a while. She didn’t know exactly what White’s plan was for her, but she was certain it would be unpleasant. Her worry if Steven and the others made it out safely gnawed at her though. She hastily thought about her appearance, deciding to keep the same outfit, adding the Crystal Gem symbol that emblazoned the flag for the rebellion back in the war right below the star.

With a flash of light, Pearl’s body took on solid form. She took in a deep breath and looked around. She was in a cell. It was very different than the one on the ship Peridot and Jasper had come to Earth with. Everything was white and there were strange markings that looked similar to a circuit board on the floor. The same field that disintegrated a Gem’s form acted as a door. There were no obvious ways to escape. Pearl inspected every centimeter of the cell just in case, but had no luck. Pearl looked out her cell door to try and take in her surroundings, but all she could see was a stairwell and a small, bare room.

The cell began to shake and then shot upwards like an elevator. When it stopped, Pearl found herself at White Diamond’s feet as she sat on her throne.  
“Well, well, well. Look at you, boldly displaying the mark of a traitor. Were you hoping to illicit a response from me Pearl?” White Diamond smiled, but it was hollow and mirthless.

Pearl struggled to keep her hands from wrapping around herself, feeling tiny and powerless in the suffocating atmosphere that always accompanied White Diamond’s presence. An instinct to devote herself and adore the giant before her stirred in Pearl. Old programming long forgotten. Or maybe even survival instincts, that feeling of being lower in the chain than an apex predator.

Pearl exhaled sharply at the inner turmoil in her, her devotion to the rebellion and Earth and the emotions designed in her to worship the Gem she was made for clashing. She started crying. She hadn’t expected such strong feelings to well up so suddenly. She chided herself for not being able to contain her emotions the way Garnet could for what was surely the millionth time.

“Oh Pearl, my precious Pearl.” White Diamond gently caught one of Pearl’s tears on the tip of her finger, which was easily as large as Pearl’s entire head.  
Pearl flinched away and cursed herself for not noticing the field had been lowered.  
“You don’t have to fear me Pearl.” White Diamond leaned back in her throne. “You know I am not malevolent, but I will accomplish my goals and ensure loyalty. I do have a goal in mind for you. Do you know what it is?”

Pearl ignored the question and tried to will her legs to run. To escape. To take advantage of the lowered door.  
“Pearl,” White began in a mock saccharine voice then switched to a sterner one. “I asked you a question. Do you know why you are here?”  
Pearl felt the distantly familiar gnawing in the back of her skull as White Diamond’s will began to suppress her own.

Pearl involuntarily stuttered. “I- I d-don’t know. I, ugh, I only reformed to learn what happened to the others.”  
White Diamond raised an eyebrow, puzzled for a moment, and then smiled again. “Oh, you mean those rebels from Earth. I let them go. They are Yellow and Blue’s problem to solve. They can returne to that doomed planet all they like. It is of no consequence to me.”

Pearl sighed and smiled.  
“That wasn’t my question though Pearl. Do you know why you are here?”  
Pearl felt crushed under the force of White’s will. She caught herself thinking of White as her master and quickly corrected it, but still felt her mouth move. “N-no. I have no idea what you want with me. I don’t understand why you didn’t just shatter me. I’m just a pearl!”

“Shatter you?” White Diamond laughed. “Why would I do that? Because you decided to become a part of some half-baked rebellion on a backwater colony? I suppose you are just a pearl, and I suppose my fondness is…illogical. You were made for me though, to be similar to me, the perfect pearl, for the perfect diamond. I had assumed you were corrupted or shattered in the planet-wide attack on Earth. Even then I had wanted to extract you before the final assault, but the situation simply didn’t allow it.”

White pulled up a screen as she continued to talk. “Then I learned you were still functional. I saw the footage from that fiasco of a “rescue” you and your little companions pulled at the human zoo. I was so thrilled when I saw you, especially as you gloated over Holly Blue. Yellow and Blue had absolutely no idea the little scheme you pulled under their noses, they were too busy wallowing in their own sorrow. But I saw, and I saw a pearl exceeding the limitations of her design. Naturally, I decided I needed to bring you back under my care. Hone these newly evolved skills, learn how to adapt your ability to grow while snuffing out the needless rebelliousness. Should be an interesting experiment with several potential discoveries to better all of Gemkind.”

“You-you’re wasting your time if you think I will ever follow you again.” Pearl managed to choke out.  
“Ah yes, you say that now,” White tapped a control on her screen and Pearl’s cell door reappeared. “We do have a lot of work to break you back into your mold. It will be unpleasant, but I anticipate success will soon bring relief.”

White pressed another control and electricity surged through Pearl’s cell and engulfed Pearl’s form. It wasn’t strong enough to force Pearl to retreat to her gem, but it pained every molecule of her light construct. Pearl was so dazed she didn’t realize she was screaming or that her cell had returned to the room below until the electricity finally subsided and she collapsed in a heap on the ground.


	2. Break You

Steven stared up at the ceiling as Cat Steven joined him on his bed and settled on his chest. Steven scratched her ears and she started purring. It had already been a week since White Diamond had taken Pearl. Garnet had been in The Temple since they had all returned to Earth, and Amethyst kept disappearing, although she would keep Steven company and try to cheer him up sometimes.

Connie and Steven had joined the Off Colors a few times as they tried to search for White Diamond’s location. Yellow and Blue were easy to track, but White was like a ghost. Connie suggested White must have some sort of cloaking device or something to hide her location. The Off Colors kept searching though.

Steven felt his eyelids getting heavy as Cat Steven’s purring and the comfortable, warm, weight on his chest began lulling him to sleep. He started dreaming about space. He was floating aimlessly in a bubble like after he had been sucked out of the Moon Base. There were asteroids nearby, but they were shaped like Connie’s head. One of them opened her mouth, but the only thing that came out was static. 

Steven tried to focus more on what she was saying and then a white light engulfed him. Then Steven was on a throne, looking out of a spaceship. He didn’t recognize it as a place he had been before. A hatch opened up on the floor and a cell rose up. Pearl was inside, curled into a ball with her arms hugging tight across her chest. 

Steven realized he was having a diamond dream. Steven looked at all the screens trying to get a clue on their location but it was all in Gem. He huffed and thought how he really needed to get them to teach him their language. He was looking around the ship when he heard White Diamond speak.

“Are you feeling more cooperative yet my Pearl?”

Pearl didn’t move. White Diamond pressed a button on the control panel at the arm of her throne. Pearl convulsed and cried out as she was shocked. Steven tried desperately to stop White from pressing the button but he was just a spectator.

Finally White released the button and ordered, “Stand up Pearl.”

Pearl stood on shaky feet. “No, I am not feeling more cooperative, and I never will!”

White Diamond sighed. “You are making this very tedious. I enjoy a challenge, but I have great plans for you. Your obstinance is intriguing but unnecessary for you to fulfill your purpose. I will break you of it Pearl, I must.”

Pearl smirked. “Go ahead and try.”

White Diamond pressed the control again.

Steven woke up crying and shouting Pearl’s name. Garnet and Amethyst came running up the stairs. “Steven!” Garnet turned the light on. “Did you just have a diamond dream?”

Steven squinted and blinked rapidly as his eyes adjusted to the light. “Y-yeah! And I saw Pearl.”

Garnet grinned. “Good, then we have a chance to find her. Steven, it’s time to hone your ability to see through other’s eyes.”

“Okay.” Steven jumped out of bed, Cat Steven meowed in protest and landed on her feet.

Steven grabbed a t-shirt and pants from his drawer as he fought back tears. “We need to do it soon too. White Diamond is hurting Pearl and said something about breaking her will and serving a purpose. I tried read her console but I don’t know Gem and-”

Garnet placed a hand on Steven’s shoulder. “Whoa, slow down Steven. Take a breath; you have to be able to focus to find Pearl. Now go get dressed and then we’ll go to a room in The Temple I use to meditate.

Steven wiped away his tears and nodded. “Right!”

Steven rushed into the bathroom to change and wash his face to wake himself up. As he looked at his reflection and said, “Hang in there Pearl, we’re coming for you.”

*****

Pearl felt the cell shake and she took in a breath that almost turned into a sob. She had been trying to track the days in Earth time to give her _something_ to hold onto. She roughly estimated nine days had passed. Nine days of being shocked, controlled and listening to White try to brainwash her. She kept hoping her body would start becoming accustomed to the shocks so the pain would dull but it hadn’t. And it was starting to get to her.

Pearl was trying to hold on. She didn’t want to budge in her will, but she also wanted to avoid the shock as much as possible. She had vaguely day-dreamed about lulling White into a false sense of progress and then escaping once the diamond’s guard was down. Her plan fell apart then though. If she went back to Earth White would think to send Gems to come after her, and if she escaped, she would want to be with Steven and the others again, not alone or perpetually on the run.

“Are you feeling more cooperative?” White Diamond asked.

Pearl inhaled sharply as she felt White enter her mind, like a cold hand spreading across the back of her head and fingernails digging into her temples. The sensation was becoming stronger than the first couple of days, her slight tolerance to White’s mind control wearing thin. Pearl heard her thoughts screaming to obey.

Through gritted teeth she tried to curse White Diamond out. To Pearl’s horror, the only thing she said was, “Yes.”

Pearl clamped her hands to her mouth, afraid of what else White may drag out of her.

White looked away from her work, directly at Pearl, and smiled. “Ah, progress at last, very good. Pearl, kneel and press your forehead to the ground.”

Pearl’s legs shook as she tried to fight the command, but she was only able to remain standing for a few moments. Tears stung the corner of her eyes as she felt her gem press into the smooth, cold floor. Pearl couldn’t help but despair a little that after thousands of years of freedom, all it took was a handful of days for her to lose control. 

Then Pearl shook her head and closed her eyes, she couldn’t think like that. She started a mantra in her head. _I am my own Gem. I still have some control._

White Diamond leaned back in her throne and pressed her hands together. “You are not to speak, only listen. And you are not to move unless I tell you.”

Pearl tried to defy the order but her body just shook in place and her teeth clamped down.

White Diamond continued. “Today I will test your newfound physical strength. A pearl that can fight is perhaps unorthodox, but an intriguing development with potential. Do not let this give you a false sense of strength though. Remember, you are _my_ tool. Your purpose is the serve _me_ , your power is _mine_ , and your worth is based on your usefulness to _me_. This is not personal, it is simply by design.”

White turned back to her console and typed a brief message. “Now, for today’s test. I will not shatter you or allowed you to be shattered. I will not injure or allow injury enough to force you reform. In turn, you are not allowed to shatter or crack any of the Gems I have fight you, but you are allowed to force them to retreat into their gems.”

Twenty Milky Quartz soldiers entered the room and Pearl’s cell door was lowered.

“I’m sure twenty is overkill, but should test you to your limit. Get up and fight Pearl.”

*****

Pearl slumped against the wall of her cell as it lowered. She had poofed thirteen of the twenty soldiers before they managed to disarm and beat her into submission. Her body ached, but as promised, she was not injured enough that she could release her physical form. Since she had performed better than White had expected, no shock was administered this time.

Pearl felt a lingering presence in her mind, White Diamond was not actively controlling her at the moment, but she had left an impression, like a path worn in grass from constant foot traffic. Pearl grimaced and clenched her fists. She would rest up and fight more next time. _I am my own Gem. I still have some control._

The next time the cell rose White Diamond immediately ordered her to kneel and press her forehead to the ground. It took longer this time. Pearl’s gem began to ache as one knee buckled, but she kept her head up. _I am my own Gem. I still have some control._ Despite the pain and the tug of White’s mind Pearl yelled and got back to her feet.

Pearl was angry. She wouldn’t go down without a fight, she wouldn’t lose her freedom. She wouldn’t live life as a tool again. Without really thinking about it, she jumped as high as she could, right at White Diamond’s face, arm pulled back for a wild swing.

White Diamond easily caught Pearl’s entire arm with two fingers. Pearl dangled there, struggling to get free.

“Be still.” White ordered.

Pearl thrashed a few times before her body froze.

White Diamond sighed, “Progress and then sliding back I see. Shame, I was hoping you would continue improvements so I could test your mechanical skills. It appears there is still much more groundwork to be done instead. You need to let go of these ideas of resistance you have. You will never escape, you will never be stronger than me. I will push and push until you are back in your place, or you are too broken to be of any use any more. Those are the only two options. You are a pearl. You are not a true Gem, you are not autonomous, you are made to comply.”

Pearl screamed as White crushed her arm and then dropped her back into her cell. Pearl cradled the arm as it dangled at her side. It would no doubt take much longer to heal than most injuries. The cell door closed. As she descended, the shock was turned on for the longest period so far.

Pearls head swam and she crumpled to the ground when the punishment was finally over. Everything hurt. The cell did not rise back up to White’s throne room however. Pearl curled up and willed herself to sleep, seeking escape in the only way she had left to her.

*****

Garnet took in a deep breath as she rested her hand on Steven’s shoulder. The past few days had been filled with trying to coach him on how to use his mind-hopping power. Garnet still couldn’t see a future where they found and rescued Pearl, but that didn’t matter to her. She focused on the task they all wanted to achieve and took the steps that would hopefully increase their chances of success.

The two hadn’t been able to see through White Diamond’s eyes again yet. They had successfully entered into Amethyst’s mind though. Today she was on the outskirts of Beach City and Steven entered her dream and stayed with her once she woke up.

Completely accidentally, they had also discovered that Steven could bring Garnet’s consciousness with him if they were touching when he hopped. The only problem now was, they hadn’t been able to enter Amethyst mind when she was already awake, and White Diamond never slept. There had to be a way in, since Steven had already done it, but the key to how was still a mystery.

Garnet mentally shook off any doubt. “Alright Steven, let’s give this another shot. Focus on White Diamond, remember to keep your breathing steady and think of nothing else.”

Steven nodded and took in a deep breath as he closed his eyes.

For a minute, nothing happened, and then they both heard a sound. It was too distant to make out, but in its direction, they could see the faint outline of Pearl.

“Let’s try walking towards her Steven.”

Their steps were silent and the ground felt unstable until they were closer.

The darkness slowly turned into the beach, and then the sun setting over the ocean appeared. They were on the cliff above The Temple. The lighthouse was distorted, half looked vaguely like a throne. Diamond shaped pebbles littered the ground, forming a vague path towards Pearl.

“Is this Pearl’s dream?” Steven asked.

Garnet kept walking towards Pearl. “Let’s find out. Pearl!”

Pearl turned around and stood up. “G-garnet? Steven?”

Steven smiled and ran over to her, hugging her tightly. “It is your dream!”

“Oh,” Pearl hugged Steven back, “you are correct. But why are you here? And how is Garnet here?”

Steven explained, his excitement causing him to ramble a little. “Oh, I had a diamond dream and I saw you through White Diamond’s eyes so Garnet has been trying to help me control my power better so I can see through her eyes again and try to find out where you are. And we discovered I can bring her with me when she’s touching me. I guess I was thinking too much about you though so we’re here. I thought you didn’t like to sleep?”

Pearl fidgeted. “I didn’t. Lately…it has turned into a nice break most of the time. Sometimes…sometimes it’s a nightmare, but this dream has been peaceful, especially now that the two of you are here.” She smiled and mussed Steven’s hair.

Steven chuckled. “Sooo, how are you doing?”

“I’m um, I’m hanging in there. I beat thirteen milky quartz soldiers,” Pearl puffed out her chest and put her hands on her hips. “I was trying to beat all twenty, but the last seven were a little more experienced. Oh! I have been able to defy my diamond some too. Rather impulsively even tried to punch her in the face, I telegraphed the attack though so it didn’t exactly end well.”

“Do you know where you are?” Garnet asked. “We have been trying to mount a rescue mission, but for some reason White Diamond’s ship can’t be tracked with the sensors on the Sun Incinerator.”

Pearl locked eyes with Garnet. “I’m not privy to our location, but I will be fine. Coming for me is far too dangerous. White Diamond won’t shatter me, but none of you are hers, she’ll shatter you without a second thought. And even if you somehow do manage to get me away, she’ll know to look for us on Earth.”

Garnet quietly replied. “You aren’t her Gem either Pearl.”

Pearl blushed and covered her mouth for a second, then clasped her hands at her chest. “R-right. I am my own Gem. I still have some control. I meant, you were never her Gems and she doesn’t see you as –” the ground started shaking.

“Wh-what’s happening?” Steven struggled to keep his balance.

Pearl wrapped her arms like she was hugging herself. “Guess it’s time again. Garnet please, stop looking for me, forget all about me. If you come she’ll kill you all and I – I honestly don’t think I could keep fighting her if that happened.” She started tearing up. “Please just let me do this. Leave me before it’s too late.”

The sun turned into White Diamond’s face and her voice overpowered the sound of the ocean. “Stand up Pearl.”

Pearl woke up and Steven and Garnet stayed with her. She stood slowly, her legs shaking and one arm useless at her side.

Garnet and Steven looked at their surroundings. Since Pearl was awake, they could no longer communicate with her and tell her where to look. Garnet recognized they were in the throne room of White Diamond’s ship, but with the stars just blurs she couldn’t pinpoint anything more. She desperately looked for any other locating characteristic. The consoles where not in Pearl’s sight, the room was relatively barren, there wasn’t even writing on the walls.

White Diamond suddenly stopped typing and looked directly at them. “Well, well, well, you have two visitors.”

Pearl gasped. “Wh-what? Of course not, how could that be true?”

“Steven, get us out now!” Garnet yelled.

“Huh? Do you know where Pearl is?” Steven asked, still oblivious to the incoming danger.

“Steven, NOW!”

Steven suddenly felt _something_ closing in on them. A voice deep inside him, like a far removed memory he couldn’t’ quite place, told him to run. He yanked himself and Garnet out of Pearl’s consciousness just in time.

Steven gasped. “Wh-what was that?” He looked around the meditation room to confirm he was safe and then looked at Garnet. “It felt like we were about to be grabbed or something.”

“It was White Diamond. She has powers over Gem’s minds Steven. You’ve felt it before right?”

Steven thought and then nodded. “Y-yeah, as Stevonnie. What would have happened if she caught us in Pearl’s mind?”

“Not sure,” Garnet stoop up and opened the door to Steven’s room, “but I could feel ill-intent. I’m sure she meant to harm us somehow. Now please, leave me. I need to be alone and process everything.”

“O-oh, um, okay.” Steven stood up and walked towards the door. “I probably should rest a bit anyway. All this mind hopping is pretty draining.”

“That is a good idea.” Garnet said and gave the boy’s head a pat as he left the room. “Oh! And Steven!”

Steven whirled around, a frown still on his face.

“You did great. I love you.” Garnet gave a thumbs up and smiled before closing the door.

Garnet started arguing with herself out loud. Ruby and Sapphire were out of synch enough that they were having separate thoughts, but not enough to split completely.

“What are we going to do Sapphire? White Diamond is so strong. And she’s starting to get to Pearl – those diamond shaped pebbles, how she kept slipping and talking like White Diamond still owns her, and you saw how hurt she was! She’s being tortured!”

“What can we do? What can we possibly do? I can’t see a future where we find Pearl and we can’t risk Steven going back into Pearl’s mind, not after White was so close to getting us. Pearl wasn’t being dramatic when she said she wouldn’t be able to fight any more if something happened to us either.”

“We can’t just leave her there!”

“I know! But we can’t even find her!”

“It’s our fault she’s there in the first place, it’s our duty, our responsibility to rescue her. We should have told her it was too dangerous to meet with White Diamond, we should have tried to get her before escaping, we should—”

“Ruby stop, this isn’t helping. We can’t change the past, we can only forge a new future.”

“And what future are we forging? One where we give up and let the monster keep hurting Pearl?”

“That isn’t what I want and you know it!”

“I – I know. I’m sorry.” Garnet looked at both of her gems. “I’m just so…so mad, and lost. I hate feeling blind and helpless Sapphi.”

“I know. I feel the same way. We’ve been letting fear get the best of us too. Nevertheless, arguing isn’t getting us any closer. And Steven’s mind hopping abilities are too dangerous. We have to think of something else.

Garnet clenched her fists and straightened her stance. “I have to find another way. I’m sorry Pearl, but there’s no way I can leave you behind again, and there’s definitely no way I can forget you.”


	3. Hope and Despair

Amethyst sighed and flopped onto the couch at some human friends’ place. 

A human in ripped jeans, a white tee, and red hair paused the game he was playing. “Hey Ams what’s up, you seem glum.”

Amethyst paused. “It’s a Gem thing. I don’t wanna like bum you out either Rodrigo.”

Rodrigo shrugged. “I mean, I don’t know how helpful I’ll be with magic alien stuff, but I don’t mind listening.”

Amethyst sat up and then crossed her arms. “Well you know how I’m one of the rebels for my species and that Homeworld has been starting to come back to Earth? One of my friends was…taken by someone bad from Homeworld. Like, the big bad, and she’s being hurt and controlled and we have no idea how to save her. She and I butt heads a lot but she…she’s important to me.”

Amethyst blushed, “I look up to her even. Not that I’d ever admit to that. On Homeworld she was always told she was weak and unimportant, kinda like how Homeworld sees me as too small and wrong. She fought in the war for her freedom and now... ugh and there’s absolutely nothing I can do! I don’t have Garnet’s Future Vision! Or Steven’s telepathy! I’m just…useless.”

Rodrigo stood up and placed both of his hands on her shoulders. “You are _not_ useless. Sounds like shit really hit the fan though.”

“Yeah, it really did. I feel like…I don’t know. She could be so annoying sometimes, but I kinda get it the more I learn about Homeworld. Now she’s gone and I keep thinking about all the cool stuff we did like I’m mourning her. I know she’s not dead but…she just seems unreachable now. I miss her.”

Rodrigo nodded. “I wish I could help too. Well… I could at least try to take your mind of it. Wanna go out to the woods and destroy stuff?”

Amethyst smiled. “Hell yeah. Sounds perfect.”

As Amethyst and Rodrigo took turns hitting targets and random trash they found with Rodrigo’s cross bow she couldn’t help but think of being Opal. All the crazy shots she had made with Pearl when fused, and the enemies they took out. She tried to ignore it and think about something else, but the something else became remembering the fight she had with Pearl at the kindergarten, and the time Pearl punched Peridot in the face, then the time she gunned it from the cops chasing that mysterious woman into the night.

Amethyst sighed and lowered crossbow. “Sorry Rodrigo, heart just isn’t in it today.”

“No problem. We could do something else? Oh, oh, I have a bunch of leftovers from the stuff I was supposed to throw out at work back at the apartment we could make a giant everything burrito.”

“Nah,” Amethyst handed the weapon back to its owner, “think I’m just gonna go back home man. Another time though.”

Rodrigo frowned, giant everything burrito was something Amethyst never refused.

“I know, I know,” Amethyst crossed her arms and kicked a nearby empty can, “just…maybe they’ve found something out. Gotta check in ya know?”

Rodrigo nodded. “Gotcha. If you need anything though, Hank and I will gladly do what we can.”

“Yeah, yeah, don’t go getting’ sappy on me. I’ll be back eventually.”

Amethyst warped back into Steven’s room but found it empty. She checked The Temple but didn’t find Garnet or Steven. Amethyst went back to her room and dragged a mattress to her tallest pile. She effortlessly balanced the mattress and flopped down onto it. She tried to go to sleep to kill some time, but the image of Pearl in tears after White Diamond had forced her to kneel was burned into her eyelids. 

“Ugh, dammit!” Amethyst sat up and grabbed her hair. She tried not to keep thinking about it, how much she hated wanting to kneel too, how much she hated that she had been so scared she had ran away the second she could. “I should have taken Rodrigo up on that everything burrito.”

Amethyst thought about going back out, but she didn’t want to miss anything once the others came back. She shrugged. “Guess I’ll just have to raid the fridge here.”

Amethyst walked back to Steven’s room and bee-lined it straight for the fridge. Before she could open it there was a knock at the door.

Amethyst looked out the screen and was surprised to see the pink-haired woman. She threw open the door. “You’re the girl from the show!”

The mysterious woman nodded. “Yeah, and you were with her, with Pearl, at that show.” She looked into the house. “The people in town told me Pearl lived here and I just wanted to check in. Usually I don’t do anything this…crazy, but last time we hung out she told me she had to go on a dangerous mission. She told me she wasn’t entirely sure if she was going to make it back, and now I can’t reach her. Is she here? Is she…alive?”

*****

Garnet, Amethyst, and Steven all headed to where the Sun Incinerator was parked on the beach. It was night out now. Greg had taken Connie and Steven to Funland for some stress relief and when they came home they found Amethyst and Sheena, the girl Pearl flirted with and apparently been texting and meeting. They had spent the evening together filling Sheena in on the situation and getting to know one another.

After Sheena left and Greg took Connie home, Steven got a text message from Lars about a lead. The four Crystal Gems were eager to hear what the Off Colors had found.

Lars was grinning ear to ear when they got to the bridge. “Hey there! So, you know how we’ve been able to track Yellow and Blue Diamond but not White Diamond?”

Steven yawned in spite of his excitement. “Yeah, that’s why we’ve been trying to find other ways to track her.”

“Well, we think we got her, show ‘em Rhodonite.”

Rhodonite’s back stiffened and eyes widened as everyone looked at her. “O-oh, uh, well, I’ve been tracking Yellow and Blue since, uh, mostly since I could. They just met up. According to my sensors though, there is absolutely nothing where they met.”

“They did seem like close friends,” Steven replied, “so maybe they’re just saying hi?”

“I mean, that’s possible, but when I said nothing I mean _nothing_.” Rhodonite showed us the sensor logs. “Both diamonds and their pearls leave their ships and then just vanish at a point in the center. Since we can’t see White Diamond’s ship on the sensors—”

“Then it must be White Diamond!” Steven interrupted out of excitement and threw his hands in the air.

“Bingo-bongo.” Lars snapped both his fingers. 

“Good work.” Garnet grinned and placed a hand on Rhodonite shoulder.

Rhodonite shrugged and chuckled nervously. “Was j-just trying my best.”

“And your best is awesome.” Lars praised. “Everyone ready for a rescue mission?”

*****

“Never thought we would see you again.”

Pearl opened her eyes and saw Blue and Yellow Pearl in the room outside her cell. She stood up slowly and leaned heavily against the back wall. Pearl opened her mouth to reply but couldn’t focus her thoughts. White had just turned the shock off after leaving it on for longer than Pearl could keep track of after Garnet and Steven had visited.

Yellow raised an eyebrow. “Cracked already?”

“Yellow,” Blue Pearl said quietly, “don’t be mean.”

Yellow stiffened and nervously looked up the stairs.

“It’s just me.” Pearl said, understanding Yellow’s caution. “She hasn’t been able to take me over like she used to yet.”

Yellow raised an eyebrow. “I…I suppose if she could she wouldn’t have to injure you so.”

Pearl nodded. They were vaguely friendly, although she had never had a chance to get very close to them. When she was with White Diamond and loyal, White could easily slip in and out of her mind completely, using her eyes and mouth to see and relay messages. This made any abnormal behavior from the others too risky around her. Then when she was Pink Diamond’s pearl, she had to maintain an air of complete obedience to avoid any sort of suspicion.

Yellow clasped her hands behind her back and talked in a hushed tone. “Why are you fighting your diamond?”

Pearl sighed. “Because I love my freedom, my independence, making choices, learning whatever I desired, and I love Earth. All the things you can’t do under a diamond because it doesn’t matter to them.”

Yellow scowled. “What are you talking about? We’re pearls, we _don’t_ matter.”

Blue fidgeted. “If you enjoyed life as a rebel so much, why did you return?”

Pearl locked eyes with Blue, or at least where she assumed Blue’s eyes were. “To protect the planet and the ones I love. Things just…didn’t quite go as expected.”

Yellow sighed. “So are we to expect that rose quartz you fell in love with to charge and come to your rescue?”

Pearl was surprised Yellow knew that for a moment. She looked down at the patterns etched into the floor. “No. She’s gone.”

Yellow and Blue both looked at each other.

Yellow cleared her throat. “We saw her though at –”

Yellow Diamond’s voice boomed down the stairs. “Pearls, get up here at once, it’s time to go.”

Both Blue and Yellow jolted to attention.

Yellow walked towards the stairs and took one last look at Pearl. “We’re pearls, our purpose is to serve the Gem we were made for. The three of us, we’re lucky, we’re diamond pearls, there is no greater honor. I look forward to meeting you again once your diamond has reminded you of your purpose.”

Blue silently followed Yellow up the stairs, giving one last glance before ascending completely.

Pearl closed her eyes and thought about what Yellow had said and the last conversation she had with Garnet. The question of what was her plan rattled around in her mind. She doubted Garnet and the others would actually give up on saving her, but she saw no reasonable way they would be able to save her. Even if they did, she couldn’t risk White shattering them to get her back. Or just destroying Earth and everyone with it.

The cell shook began elevating. Pearl stopped her musing. She thought about Yellow’s comment, about White reminding her of her purpose and she clenched one fist. _I am my own Gem. I still have some control._ Pearl braced herself for White to enter her mind; she would fight today.

White Diamond was working at her station as she usually was. “Now where did we leave off? Ah yes, your two friends visited and I had no choice but to escalate your punishment. Hm, I suppose a change in regimen is needed anyway. Pearl, kneel and press your forehead to the ground.”

Pearl’s hopes for defiance were dashed as she realized she was simply too exhausted. White had slipped into her mind even faster than before and she had obeyed.

“Did you have any more visitors from Earth?”

“N-no.”

“Good. Now then, who are you?”

Pearl cried out as she felt White mentally imprint the response. “I-I am your pearl.”

“Do you have any power?” White asked.

Again Pearl felt the desired response telepathically conveyed. “My power is your power.”

“What are you?”

Pearl strained futilely before replying. “I am your tool to be used as you need.”

“And finally, who do you belong to?” White Diamond looked directly at Pearl.

“I, ugh,” Pearl began crying, “I belong to you.”

“Excellent.” White Diamond returned her focus onto her work. “You are beginning to progress quite nicely now. It is time for you to re-evaluate yourself and they life you think has been worth this resistance you insist upon. I order you to stand up and tell me your flaws and the decisions you have made without me that you regret.”

Pearl tried not to stand up, but failed. She tried to cover her mouth, but her functional hand only came up to her chest. “I-I cry too much! I’m worried all the time about everything. I go between feeling insecure and completely selfish. I get obsessed with people and plans even when it becomes unhealthy. I’ve let everyone I cared about down. I couldn’t save a single gem in the war. I couldn’t be happy for Rose when she truly fell in love because it wasn’t with me.”

Pearl bit down on bottom lip to stop herself but it only granted temporary silence. “I nag Amethyst too much and made her feel like a mistake because of where she was made for thousands of years and I never even realized it until we got into a fight! I tricked Garnet so I could fuse with her even though I know how precious fusion is to her just because I wanted to feel strong and complete. I’ve almost killed or let Steven die three times because I secretly hope that Rose will come back even though I love Steven too! The only reason I’m good at anything is because I practice and train constantly. I wasn’t even a good mentor. When I first started training Connie, I made her feel like nothing, the way you made me feel like nothing!”

Pearl finally succeeded in getting her hand to her mouth right before she blurted out the biggest regret in her entire life.

_I am my own Gem. I still have some control.  
_Pearl sobbed, but maintained her refusal to continue speaking.

“Very good Pearl.” White Diamond praised. “Surely you must see the importance of all of these things. Your failures all come from the same issue. You have turned your back on your purpose; you have turned your back on me. You have been seeking this purpose in other places and Gems, but it is always inadequate. They are inferior to me, so you could never feel complete again.”

Pearl felt the pressure of White’s order disappear and her hand dropped down. She remained silent.

“That is the past. You will reflect on it. It will help you remember that you are back where you are supposed to be, at _my_ side. As you do, we will be able to move past this unpleasantness and you will become whole again and stand by my side. The sooner you embrace this truth, the sooner you will feel truly free. It will be your final choice.”

The cell descended again. Pearl sat down and covered her mouth again. She couldn’t believe all of things she had just blurted out. Things she thought she had buried or gotten over. She didn’t know if she was about to be shocked or not, and she didn’t much care.

Once the cell stopped in its place the walls turned to screens. An audiovisual recording of the exchange that had just taken place started with White Diamond asking for Pearl’s flaws and looping after Pearl covered her mouth. Pearl realized this was how White intended for her to reflect on her flaws. She decided she preferred the shock. She closed her eyes and tried again to seek refuge in her dreams.


	4. True Nature

Pearl lost track of the days, but she did finish her plan. She decided that although it was unlikely the others would give up on her, there was no escape. Despite this, it didn’t mean she would be useless. Pearl decided to pretend to become more compliant so White Diamond would trust her more.

Once Pearl built this trust, White allowed her limited use of the technological systems. Pearl began her secret mission: Gather all data she can, figure out what White was working on, then find a way to send messages to the Crystal Gems to keep them safe. Everything seemed to be going as planned.

  
A routine was established. Every session started with White ordering Pearl to kneel and the same series of questions Pearl had to answer, then Pearl would be assigned menial tasks or her knowledge would be tested. White Diamond healed Pearl’s arm and had not shocked her in quite some time. 

The recording was still on constant loop in the cell though. Pearl had to replace the star and symbol of the rebellion with a white diamond to signify her shifting loyalties to those who visited. She also had to readopt the common pearl stances and the diamond salute.

As the days crawled on Pearl felt increasingly conflicted. Some days, she felt confident in her plan. It wasn’t ideal, but she felt she had successfully clung to some scrap of freedom and independence. On those days, her recording in her cell was almost uplifting. It forced her to face feelings about herself she had long buried rather than worked on and served as a reminder that she was growing and learning.

On those days she also couldn’t help but miss Sheena. They had been calling and texting each other almost daily for months and had even met up several times. Pearl felt a certain ease and closeness she never expected she could with a human. Their species were so different, and yet she found herself feeling equal. Pearl realized that was never how she felt with Rose. Not that Rose did things that made her feel less than, if anything, it was often the opposite.

Right before this mission Pearl had told Sheena a lot about her past and her role on Homeworld. Who she had served, a little of what life had been like before Earth and the rebellion. She had warned Sheena she may not make it back from the mission. Pearl had been nervous about how she would react.

They had kissed for the first time and Sheena gave Pearl a small rectangular piece of human technology the Gem recognized as a USB. Pearl had been confused so Sheena explained.

“Music is one of the most important things to me in the world…maybe even if the universe if I had the chance to explore it. And that has all of my favorite songs on it, a collection I’ve slowly worked on for most of my life. Which means I’m going to miss you…and my music, and I’m going to be twice as happy as when you bring it back to me.”

Pearl thought a lot about the others, and a lot about Steven. How much he had helped them all change and grow. All of the things she and Garnet had gone through. Growing closer to Amethyst than ever after grief had pushed them apart and the fight at the Kindergarten opened a new dialogue between them. She missed them.

Then there were bad days. Days where White’s words hit just a little too hard on Pearl’s insecurities, days where the recording in her cell was an unwanted reminder of all her failures. Those days her thoughts spun to much darker places. Pearl would feel she deserved to lose her independence, and that she had never truly broken from her programming, she had simply gone from the diamonds, to Rose, to Steven.

The past two days had been bad days. Pearl was feeling this secret mission she had created herself was nothing but a desperate grab at a sinking ship, that she was just fooling herself into believing in a freedom she didn’t truly have. On command, Pearl returned to her cell and saluted, the perfect pearl pose, and the perfect inflection as she said, “My Diamond.”

The cell lowered and Pearl was left alone with her recording and a crushing hopelessness. Pearl wrapped her arms around herself and closed her eyes, fighting tears and trying to change her thoughts to more positive paths. She failed. Tired and overwhelmed, Pearl wrapped her sash around her eyes and ears and curled into a ball onto the floor. It didn’t take long for her to drift off to sleep.

*****

Amethyst grabbed another handful of popcorn and shoved it in her mouth, chewing slowly. Rodrigo glanced over and paused the movie they were watching.

“What’s up?” Amethyst asked. “I thought this was some awesome cult classic my life was lacking cuz I hadn’t seen it yet.”

Rodrigo nodded. “Yep, it definitely is, which is exactly why I paused it. You aren’t gonna be able to actually watch it right?”

Amethyst paused and then sighed. “Damn Rodrigo, callin’ me out like that.”

“Worried about your friend?”

Amethyst nodded. “Yeah. We thought we had a way to find her, but it ended up being more difficult than we thought. We spent a whole month in space and then had to come back. Now we’re just waiting until we can track her again…something about triangles? Triangulation? I don’t know, I stopped paying attention. All I know is we had to turn back and we’ve been waiting for like ever for another opportunity.”

“Meanwhile your friend is still in danger right?”

“Yeah. I just –”

There was a knock at the door.

Rodrigo looked through the peephole. “Uh, Ames, is this a friend of yours?”

Amethyst raised an eyebrow and then walked over the door, shifting her legs so she was tall enough to look into the hallway through the peephole. “Garnet?”

She threw open the door. “What are you doing here? How did you even know about here in the first place?”

Garnet adjusted her glasses. “No time to explain. We have a lead on Pearl’s whereabouts and we need to leave, _now_.”

Amethyst changed back to her normal height. “Gotta run Rodrigo, cult classic education next time I visit alright?”

Rodrigo gave two thumbs up. “Best of luck. Be careful.”

*****

Amethyst leaned against the doorframe of the bridge, unsure what to do. Rhodonite detected Yellow Diamond heading to seemingly nowhere and they screeched out into space after. It took two days to catch up, but Yellow had already starting moving. They searched the area Yellow had been for a full day before Garnet determined they had lost the future with a favorable outcome and would return to Earth. 

Garnet wanted to see if Peridot could create a way for them to stay in contact with the ship so the Off Colors could stay near the diamonds and then call them in through the portal between Lion and Lars. Steven didn’t want to go home yet.

Steven and Garnet argued, and it quickly escalated to yelling, a very unusual occurrence. Amethyst idly wondered if this was the start of the “teen years” humans went through that Vidalia kept warning her about. Amethyst agreed with Steven that leaving Pearl out here this long wasn’t good. She also got Garnet’s point though that there needed to be a specific plan or they would get caught before finding Pearl.

Steven stormed past Amethyst and down the hallway after Garnet said her decision was final. Amethyst took one more glance at Garnet, the fusion had her arms crossed at her chest and her mouth was a thin line. Amethyst decided to go after Steven instead.

“Hey Ste-man, wait up.”

He spun around. “I know Garnet is right…but I don’t want Pearl to be alone anymore. We’re a team, we should face things together, especially the leader of the entire Gem Empire! But instead, Pearl is stuck with her by herself! And, and,” Steven fought back tears, “and I can’t do anything about it.”

Amethyst sighed. “Steven, c’mon, you’ve been able to do more to try and locate Pearl than me. I mean, I was just a guinea pig remember?” Amethyst transformed into a long-haired guinea pig.

Steven’s eyes lit up. “Amethyst! You’re a genius!”

Amethyst chuckled. “Yeah, I know. Wait, why?” She reverted to her normal form.

Steven zipped closed to Amethyst. “I have an idea, but we can’t let Garnet know. Let’s go somewhere more private.” He grabbed Amethyst’s hand.

“Uh, okay.” Amethyst followed.

The two dodged into a small maintenance room.

“Amethyst, I’m going to try and see through White Diamond’s eyes again…or at least through Pearl’s eyes. I want you to come with me, between the two of us we can increase the odds of seeing something that will allow us to find Pearl!”

“Uh, isn’t that like, really dangerous Steven? What if White Diamond finds us in her head or whatever?”

Steven nodded. “Yes, a huge risk. But so was the meeting up with White Diamond in the first place. And I think it is worth the risk.”

Amethyst looked at Steven’s determined face. “Well, it sounds like your mind is made up. If you’re gonna do it anyway, I might as well come along.”

Amethyst and Steven sat on the ground and closed their eyes. Everything was dark for a bit. Then there was a sound, a distorted voice that almost sounded like Pearl. A cage appeared in front of the two. They went towards it and found Pearl inside, her eyes closed tight and covering her ears.

As they got closer they could hear a cacophony of voices, White Diamond saying Pearl was just a tool, Sugilite saying she ain’t nothing, Peridot calling her someone’s shiny toy, her own voice saying she didn’t deserve her independence. It made Amethyst uneasy.

Steven seemed oblivious to the chaos and ran right to Pearl. “Pearl! We’re back!”

Pearl was shocked as she looked at Steven and uncovered her ears. “Steven?”

Suddenly the scenery changed to the strawberry battlefield, although Pearl’s distorted voice was still in the distance.

Pearl recoiled away. “No, no, you can’t be here.”

“Whoa, whoa, P. chill, it’s really us. Steven and I are just trying to find you.” Amethyst took a step forward.

Pearl took another step back and started crying. “No, no, no. My diamond will be furious! Do you have any idea what she’ll do to me?”

“Y-your diamond?” Amethyst put her hand on Steven’s shoulder to stop him from hugging Pearl.

“I, I can’t do this! I can’t take this anymore! Not today! I just, I can’t!” Pearl threw her hands out.

Everything was black again. Pearl was awake and Amethyst and Steven were still with her. Pearl removed her sash from her eyes and ears and started pacing and talking to herself. “What am I supposed to do? I can’t handle this right now. I can’t, oh, she’s going to ask me if I had a visitor and I’ll have to say yes and then she’ll – no, no!”

“Whoa,” Steven said to Amethyst. “She’s really freaking out. Hey though, her arm is better! But… the symbol on her shirt.”

“Yeah.” Amethyst replied although she wasn’t paying attention to him. She was focused on the recording as it looped again. “Geez, this is some twisted and sick sh—”

The entire cell shook and started to rise.

“Okay Amethyst,” Steven made his Serious Steven face, “we don’t have a lot of time now. White Diamond caught on to us really fast so we’ll only have a few seconds before we have to leave.”

Pearl’s anxiety increased. “No! I can’t,” she started sobbing. “I can’t do this right now.”

Pearl tried to summon her spear but something about the room stopped her. “No, I can’t.” Pearl grabbed her own gem just as White Diamond appeared.

Amethyst gasped as she suddenly snapped back to the ship. “Wha! Did she just rip her own gem out of her forehead to poof herself? Gee, Pearl can be hardcore sometimes.”

“Oh, so that’s what happened.” Steven said as he stood up and looked around.

Amethyst raised an eyebrow, there was something…off about Steven’s stance and tone but she couldn’t quite place it.

Steven intertwined his hands behind his back and continued speaking. “So you decided to bother my pearl again.”

“Wh-what?”

“You know, it’s not nice to distress her like that. We were making such good progress and now I’ll have to punish her because of your actions.” Steven gave Amethyst a side glare.

“S-steven?” Amethyst lowered her stance, alarm bells ringing in her head.

“Oh,” Steven looked at his hands, “so this is the _Steven_ Pearl spoke about. What an odd little being, I’m surprised it has any telepathic abilities at all, although obviously inferior to my own.” He smirked.

“White Diamond.” Amethyst clenched her fist.

Steven grinned even wider. “Good guess little over-baked quartz. Now then, whose ship is this? I can’t have you interfering with my Pearl anymore.”

“Sh-she’s not yours!” Amethyst shouted and summoned her whip.

White Diamond Steven didn’t notice Amethyst’s movements and kept looking around. “Hm, green, so this could be a ship under Yellow or Blue’s authority, although more likely Yellow. Perhaps a stolen ship. A quick look at the bridge and I’ll know exactly –”

Amethyst hit Steven in the head and knocked him out. Amethyst stood there for a minute longer, stunned. She had panicked. Finally, she dissipated her weapon and groaned. “Oh geez, Garnet is gonna be furious.”

Pearl was in shock in her gem. _What did I just do? Why did I just? What am I doing?_ Pearl’s thoughts spiraled. _Oh no, my Diamond is going to be furious, NO! Not my diamond! I am my own gem. I still have some control._ Pearl calmed herself; she had to regain control. She was losing herself in White Diamond’s will. 

Pearl focused. The Crystal Gems were close. Plans to escape started buzzing in her head again. All of the logistic issues came up like what would happen after she was rescued but she didn’t care anymore. They would figure something out, together. She knew she couldn’t stay there and retain her freedom, not with how much White was already in her head.

Pearl settled on her plan and reformed. She found herself in White Diamond’s hand.

White smiled. “Well, at least this incident has allowed your dress to match who you really are.”

Pearl was confused and looked down.

She had to hide horror from her face. Pearl had chosen a green leotard with blue and yellow stripes up the side and a pink lace skirt and shoulder pads. The chest was cut similarly to Yellow Pearl’s, pointed shapes that plunged into a diamond cut out. It was a modernized version of an outfit she had worn long ago. It was a symbol that all were under White’s authority, and at least part of all light was contained within her.

Pearl shook off her shock and saluted. “My Diamond, I was visited by two rebels from the planet Earth and I panicked. I wasn’t sure how to handle the situation, your radiance, so I destroyed my physical form to cut contact with them.”

Pearl hoped that since the statement was mostly true it would be believable. She had panicked when she saw Amethyst and Steven, but her reaction was more selfish than what she thought White Diamond wanted. She simply had wanted to avoid another long session being shocked.

White hummed as she pondered, then placed Pearl at a central console. “This is quite a vexing situation Pearl. On one hand, you cannot control the action of rebels. On the other hand…perhaps you are merely trying to trick me.”

Pearl committed herself to the lie and saluted again. “My Diamond. I am your pearl. My power is your power. I am your tool. I belong to you. I am earnest in my loyalty to you, my illustrious and luminescent leader.”

White Diamond stared at Pearl for a few moments. “You speak the words, wear the clothes, and use the salute. But do you mean them?”

She waved her hand in the air when Pearl opened her mouth to respond to signify no response was expected.

“I have choice for you Pearl.” White Diamond brought up the Sun Incinerator on the console Pearl was at. “Your little visitors allowed me to discover their location. Turns out they are quite close. Surprisingly close. The ship was stolen by a band of Off Colors and seems to have the remainder of your former allies from Earth.”

Pearl frowned.

White gave additional access to Pearl’s console. “I will leave your mind and let you decide. Destroy them to prove your sincerity so you can take your rightful place at my side. If you refuse, I will punish you for the visitation and acting outside your purpose. Decide.”

Pearl gasped and inhaled sharply as she felt White Diamond complete retreat from her mind. It was dizzying for a moment. She hadn’t realized how constant White’s presence had been the entire time she was there. She had forgotten what it felt like without White.

“My final choice.” Pearl whispered to herself as she pulled up the weapons systems and aimed at the Sun Incinerator. Her fingers shook for a moment.

Pearl heard several voices in her head: Steven telling her he thought she was pretty great, Amethyst telling her she was hardcore, Garnet telling her she looks for her for strength sometimes, Rose telling her she was wonderful, Sheena saying she would be happy when Pearl returned to Earth. Pearl smiled and teared up.

White Diamond was unaware of how far Pearl infiltrated the control system in a matter of seconds. Pearls fingers flew and then with a few more button pushes, she shut down the entire system. The room went dark except the light that always radiated from White Diamond.

Pearl summoned her spear, spun around to face White Diamond and yelled. “I AM A CRYSTAL GEM!”

Fury was etched into every crevice as White Diamond’s face. She raised her hand and attacked before Pearl could do anything else. All Pearl could see was a blinding symbol of a diamond.


	5. Homecoming

Garnet sent Amethyst and Steven back to Earth through Lars as soon as Steven regained consciousness. There was no lecture, just a stern, “Home. Now.”

Garnet couldn’t believe Steven had mind-hopped again, and that Amethyst had not only allowed it, but had gone with him. From what Amethyst reported while they were waiting for Steven to come to they had put Pearl, themselves, this ship, and the entire mission at jeopardy.

Rhodonite suddenly squealed. “AH! A ship just appeared out of nowhere! It’s really close, but their systems are completely shut down. I- I think it might be White Diamond!”

“What? But how? Rutile twins slow us down.” Lars ordered and then looked at Garnet. “What do you think?”

Garnet grabbed her glasses briefly. “It could be Pearl’s doing and this is the best chance we have to rescue her. It could also be a trick in order to lure us closer and destroy us.”

“Oh! White Diamond’s ship is about to lose power and appear!” Padparascha interjected.

“Hm, sounds like a huge risk, but worth it. What do you Gems think?” Lars asked his crew.

“Well,” Rhodonite gulped, “I guess we might as well try to get her since we’re already in danger.”

The Rutile twins gave two thumbs up.

Fluorite slowly nodded. “Let’s do it.”

Padps added. “I predict everyone will agree to rescue Pearl.”

Garnet grinned. “Thanks Gems, it means a lot to me. Now let’s bring Pearl home.”

“Full speed ahead.” Lars flipped his cape as he pointed forward.

“On it!” The Twins hit the controls.

The Sun Incinerator was close enough to see the floating white head when White Diamond restored partial power to her ship. Her weapons remained offline though after Pearl had sabotaged them.

“Captain,” Rhodonite reported, “a small pod with a pearl was just launched from the ship! It’s going straight into this system’s central star!”

“What? After it, quick!” Lars ordered.

White Diamond’s voice boomed through the bridge. “How amusing that you thought you could take me on with that puny little ship. I suppose all of you Earth rebels must suffer from a lack of understanding when it comes to power structures. I do suggest you hurry getting that pearl if you still want her though. I have no further use for her. As a fair warning, she won’t be any use to you either. Good bye.”

The transmission ended with a click.

“Can we get her?” Lars asked.

“We are going to be cutting it close.” One of the twins said.

“It is hard to tell if we will get there in time. Rhodonite, you have only one shot.” The other twin added.

“Oh geez, you know I don’t like to be pressured. Just don’t crash us into the star.”

“You got this Rhodonite.” Lars encouraged. “I may have been the one to design the grapple, but you’ve got the best accuracy with it in the whole galaxy.” He winked.

“And what does that count for? I’m the only one with _any_ accuracy with this thing in the galaxy!” Rhodonite started screaming due to the stress.

Garnet held her breath and thought _please, please make it in time._

The Rutile Twins pulled the ship safely away from the star at the last second, turbulence shaking them all violently. “Did you get her Rhodonite?”

Rhodonite used all four of her arms to wipe sweat from her forehead and closed her eyes. “Just barely. She’s in the hold. I hope I never have to do that again. I was so stressed I thought I was going to spontaneously shatter.”

“Thank you!” Garnet yelled with a smile before running as fast as she could to the hold. After forty-eight days with White Diamond, Pearl was back with rebel Gems. Garnet worried about what type of shape Pearl would be in, certain that it couldn’t be good since she didn’t even try to stop the ship from incinerating her.

Garnet frowned when she got to her destination and saw Pearl hadn’t even opened the pod up. Garnet took in a deep breath as fear White had shattered Pearl and just been taunting them stabbed at her chest. She slowly approached the pod and opened it up.

Garnet was surprised to see Pearl was just sitting inside, completely still. Garnet dematerialized her glasses and inspected Pearl’s gem closely, but didn’t find even a small scratch or smear of dirt. She didn’t see any signs of damage to Pearl’s physical body either.

Garnet cupped Pearl’s face and stared into dull, lifeless, teal eyes. “Pearl it’s me. It’s Garnet.”

Pearl didn’t move; she didn’t even look directly at Garnet.

“Pearl, snap out of it, you’re safe, you got away from White Diamond.” Garnet moved her hands to Pearl’s shoulders and gently shook her.

No response.

Garnet started to cry. “Oh Pearl, what did she do to you?”

Rhodonite and Padparascha entered the room and curiously looked at Garnet and Pearl.

“Oh no!” Padparascha exclaimed. “I have a vision that White Diamond will launch a direct attack on Pearl and imprison her mind.”

Rhodonite gasped and covered her mouth. “Oh no, we were too late.”

Garnet replaced her shades. “What do you mean Papds? White Diamond attacked her but didn’t corrupt her?”

“Yeah,” Rhodonite closed her top set of eyes and looked down at the floor with the other, “I’ve seen this before. One of the ruby guards I knew went on a mission to see Yellow Diamond with our Morganite. Apparently, she made a really big mistake and Yellow Diamond attacked with a Diamond symbol. Morganite barely had time to get the other three guards to look away. It was like she turned her into a machine. She couldn’t do anything on her own.”

Rhodonite emphasized her story with movement of her four arms. “Once she overheated an engine because she was told to start up the thrusters but not told to then push the button to engage them. Another time she walked into a wall because she was told to march forwards but not told to go to a specific spot or stop. The most we ever got out of her was one of her close ruby friends could occasionally get her to smile when she told her a story, but that was it.” 

Rhodonite looked at the floor again and wrapped all of her arms around her torso. “One mission they told her to get out of the ship and guard it, but they forgot to tell her to get back in before returning to base and our Morganite ordered them to not retrieve her. She’s probably still standing exactly where they left her.”

“I predict Rhodonite will make herself sad remembering a ruby she once knew that also had a diamond directly attack her mind.” Padparascha clasped her hands together.

“Wait,” Garnet glanced back at Pearl, “sometimes she did respond though? It just had to be a close friend?”

“Well, yeah, but it wasn’t all the time. And it was barely a smile.” Rhodonite shrugged.

Garnet wiped away her tears. “Maybe there’s hope then. We just have to get her home.”

*****

Amethyst and Steven stood on the beach waiting for the others to get back. They were both nervous from worrying that Garnet was still mad at them. Little was said on the ship, and they weren’t sure if they were going to get the Garnet silent treatment, or a Garnet lecture.

Steven hadn’t been as cheerful as he normally was so Amethyst hoped for a lecture so they could all move one. She knew Steven was feeling bad about putting everyone in danger and not even getting any info, but since she had been just as guilty, she wasn’t sure what to say to him.

Amethyst huffed, oddly the thing Steven needed the most at the moment was Pearl fretting over him, telling him he could have been hurt, and lots of hugging. A small part of her hoped Pearl would step off the ship because they had managed to launch some insane miracle rescue.

“Oh hey, there it is!” Steven pointed up. “Amethyst quick, help me with the banner.”

Amethyst grabbed part of the banner they made yesterday that said “Welcome back to Mission Control.” It was a little silly, but Steven had needed the distraction. Just when the two had it completely unrolled, the force of the ship landing ripped it at the center.

“Aw,” Steven looked at the half still in his hands, “now how will they know where they’ve landed?”

Amethyst chuckled and teased Steven’s hair. “Don’t worry little buddy, I think they know.”

Garnet was the first to exit the ship, walking over to Amethyst and Steven and squatting down. Lars was next.

“Hey Steven, hey Amethyst! Gonna go change!” He yelled and ran away as fast as he could, tripping a little in the sand.

Amethyst frowned as her stomach clenched. “Where is donut boy off to in such a hurry?”

“He just wants to give us some space.” Garnet took off her glasses, no longer hiding her tears.

“G-garnet? What happened?” Steven asked hesitantly.

“We rescued Pearl.” Garnet looked at Amethyst and Steven with all three of her eyes and a frown.

“Oh! That’s great! So those are tears of joy! Where is she then?” Steven said, being optimistic despite the sense of dread creeping into the back of his skull.

“Steven,” Garnet placed both her hands on his shoulders, “Pearl managed to disable White Diamond’s ship temporarily, and White retaliated. She directly attacked Pearl’s mind. Similar to what the Diamond’s did in the last attack on Earth, except she didn’t corrupt her.”

“I-I’ll just heal her then. I was almost able to heal Centipeedle, so surely I can heal Pearl.” Steven smiled even though his brows were knotted.

Garnet smiled. “Always looking on the bright side. But Steven, I don’t know if it will work. We don’t really know anything about the damage a Diamond can inflict. And Pearl is… she’s trapped deep in her mind, so much that she can’t speak to us, or move on her own. She only does exactly what she is told. She is completely…catatonic.”

“I want to see her.” Steven gently pushed Garnet’s hands off him. “I want to try and heal her.”

Garnet nodded and stood up while replacing her glasses. “Pearl, come stand by us on the beach.”

Pearl walked out of the ship and stopped right between Garnet and Amethyst. Except she was…wrong. Amethyst thought she looked more like one of her hologram Pearls since her stance was stiff, her face expressionless, and her eyes were blank. Amethyst snarled a little at the Homeworld outfit she figured White must have forced Pearl to wear.

“Do you recognize me?” Steven asked.

Pearl didn’t react.

“Okay,” Steven spit in his hand and it sparkled. He gently floated up and put his healing spit on her gem. Pearl’s forehead sparkled until Steven had landed.

Pearl looked at Steven and Garnet gasped. Then Pearl smiled for just a moment before stiffening again and going blank. Amethyst clenched her fist and grinded her teeth. It was too much.

“That ain’t Pearl!” Amethyst yelled and ran away from the beach. 

She heard Steven call out her name but she ignored him. Amethyst went straight to her room and started throwing items in her junk pile around while fighting tears.

Pearl slowly reached out to Amethyst and Garnet grabbed her hand hopefully. On the ship the most Garnet had gotten out of Pearl was a quick smile. Steven’s powers had certainly done something.

Garnet gave Pearl’s hand a squeeze. “Pearl, can you hear me? It’s Garnet.”  


Pearl lightly squeezed Garnet’s hand back and made a noise. “Guh, uh.” Then her hand went limp and face neutral.

“Steven,” Garnet picked Pearl up, “let’s take her to Rose’s healing spring. I think you might have helped her. Maybe your mother’s fountain can do something more.”

Steven nodded and jumped onto Garnet’s shoulder. 

Garnet took off at her top speed, leaving a small puff of dust behind her. Thankfully, the fountain was still running, and there were no signs of the clogging plants. Garnet jumped straight into the fountain and submerged Pearl so her whole body and part of her gem was under water, but her eyes and mouth weren’t.

Pearl’s gem glowed briefly and she said one word. “Rose.” A single tear feel from one of her eyes. Then gone again.

Steven jumped off Garnet’s shoulders into the fountain and kissed Pearl’s gem. Nothing happened. Steven started crying. “Pearl, please come back.”

Garnet pulled both of them close and tightly embraced them. Steven hugged Garnet tighter than he ever had. There was a brief squeeze from Pearl before she went slack again.

The steady stream of water from the fountain felt like a torrent pouring down on them, despite the crystal blue skies and serene sounds of birds and other life around the fountain. The three stayed there for a long time before Garnet lifted both Steven and Pearl up and headed back to the Warp Pad.

Garnet carried Pearl to the edge of the cliff by the lighthouse and sat her so she was looking over the ocean and the sunset. Steven started telling Pearl stories, all the things that happened while Pearl was away, all the ways he admired her. Garnet joined in as well. Both of them were able to get reactions from Pearl, but it was still temporary.

When Amethyst came out of her room again, Garnet took Steven to the house, telling him he needed to get ready for bed. Amethyst sat in silence with Pearl for a long time before breaking down and telling her how she had missed her and she needed Pearl back. Eventually Amethyst calmed herself and moved on to happier subjects. She managed to get a chuckle out of Pearl, but that was it.

Once the sun had set completely, Garnet picked Pearl up again and moved her to the couch in the living room. Steven kissed Pearl on the cheek and said good night and Garnet tucked him into bed. Garnet paused in the darkness on her way to the temple and looked at Pearl. Then she walked into her meditation room and stared at her hands. “We got her home, but now what?”

Amethyst stared at Pearl’s cell phone in her room. When she had been talking to Pearl, she noticed the most reaction when she spoke of Sheena. Talking about them meeting Sheena at the show had been what Pearl had chuckled over even.

Finally, Amethyst texted a message to Sheena. “Hey, we got Pearl, but her mind is all jacked up from White Diamond. Diamonds can attack gems and make them turn into monsters, and she didn’t do that to Pearl, but Pearl is like, catatonic. It’s really hard to be around cuz she is just, not Pearl, but if you could come and talk to her I think it might help.”

The next few days a routine was established. Garnet would take Pearl to the cliff during the day and bring her back into the house at night. Steven would spend the day trying to bring Pearl back to her normal self, recruiting the other Gems, Connie, and even Greg in the endeavor. Pearl continued to have brief reactions, but no obvious progress was made.

Sheena showed up four days later. She had been on the road when Amethyst had texted her. Amethyst led the pink haired human to the cliff where Pearl, Steven, and Garnet were. Garnet insisted Pearl and Sheena be given privacy.

To Pearl, everything started off as white. The last thing she remembered was White Diamond’s eyes, filled with rage, and the outline of a diamond seared in her vision. Pearl wondered if she was corrupted. Even though she was disconnected from her senses, she had a vague impression that she did have physical form at least.

Pearl knew she wasn’t in a bubble either. Rose had bubbled her once a long time ago so she knew that was like. There was absolutely no conscious thought when in a bubble, not even awareness of the passage of time. That was one of the many reasons the Crystal Gems had decided to bubble Corruptions in the first place.

At one point Pearl heard a distorted sound and she focused on it. She recognized it as a voice. “Garnet!” Pearl’s voice echoed through the infinite white space surrounding her. “Garnet! Garnet I’m here!”

The sound was gone then. 

Pearl hoped maybe shutting down White’s ship and taking her weapons system offline had allowed her to be rescued. She hoped that she was safe and heading for Earth. Fear told her it was that or she was a monster and she had just attacked Garnet. There was no way for her to be certain.

The next thing Pearl was aware of was an odd sensation followed by the white light becoming more translucent. She still couldn’t see through it, but there were vague outlines and shapes. Pearl caught a brief glimpse of Steven’s face, and then heard Amethyst yelling her name as she ran away.

Pearl tried desperately to lurch forwards and grab Amethyst, to hold on as tight as she could and never let go, but she couldn’t. Everything returned to distorted white blobs. Pearl started crying. “What is this? Let me out! Let me go!” In desperation, she summoned her weapon and slashed blindly at the light around her.

Pearl stopped when she felt something cold and wet, but familiar and comforting enveloping her. She focused on the shape in the center and it clearly became a statue of Rose Quartz crying. “Rose.” She said and she pieced things together. She must be on Earth, and there must be something wrong with her. All the shapes became a little more defined and had more color, but Pearl still couldn’t tell what anything was.

Pearl felt Garnet’s arm around her and tried to cling to it. Again she couldn’t hold on. She began to despair, thinking how of course White’s threats to break her weren’t exaggerations.

Pearl kept getting random bursts of stimulus: a few seconds of a familiar voice, the closeness of Garnet carrying her, the serene breathing of Steven sleeping. At one point she heard Amethyst shouting again, saying that she needed her back, that everyone needed her back because things weren’t the same without her.

Everything continued to fade.

Then Pearl heard Sheena. “I’m here! Please, please hear me!” Pearl yelled and focused on the pink of her hair.

She remembered she had Sheena’s music collection in her gem. She wanted to return it to her more than anything. Sheena had said it was one of the most important things in the universe to her, and Pearl thought if she couldn’t be back for her, at least she could return her music.

Pearl clearly heard Sheena’s voice. “Oh, my thumb-drive. Now, if only you were back I would be twice as happy.”

Pearl teared up. She must have summoned it. She was happy she could at least accomplish that.

Then Pearl felt her. The warmth of Sheena’s hand was on her cheek. Pearl grasped at the sensation and suddenly more of her senses activated. Pearl could smell Sheena and hear the ocean. Sheena’s face became crystal clear and then the scenery behind Sheena was visible as well.

Pearl watched as the white barrier peeled away until it was completely gone and finally she was able to move. She placed her hand on top of Sheena’s. She could feel it; she could feel everything. Pearl laughed and pulled Sheena in for a kiss.

Sheena was surprised but worried when they broke the kiss. “Hey there Pearl. Are you…how are you feeling?”

Pearl stood up and brought Sheena with her. “Better now. I’m back. I’m really here.”

Pearl looked down and saw the diamond cut out of her leotard and the colors and the white barrier began forming again. “N-no.” Pearl gasped.

Then Sheena placed her hand on Pearl’s chest where she saw her looking.

Pearl grabbed Sheena’s hand and the touch allowed her to rip her eyes away and lock on to Sheena’s face again. “I think maybe a change of clothes is in order.”

Sheena grinned. “Yeah, that does sound like a good idea. And it would be nice to see you more yourself.”

Pearl got an idea. “Oh! You know, I think to celebrate the occasion I should be in my absolute best.”

With a flash of light, Pearl changed into the tailored suit Greg had given her and asked Sheena. “What do you think?”

Sheena blushed as she looked Pearl over. “Well, you certainly weren’t exaggerating when you said you looked best in that outfit.”

Sheena’s smile broadened and she held Pearl’s hands.

Pearl suddenly felt giddiness bursting from her form. She started crying and laughing at the same time. She let go of Sheena so she could jump straight up into the air and admire the ocean. As she began descending back to the ground she took in a deep breath and yelled as loud as she could. “I’M HOME!”

Pearl grabbed Sheena when she landed and started dancing. She didn’t know how long this would last, if she had permanently pushed through the white barrier, or if it was all temporary again. She wanted to savor every second she could just in case. Pearl sensed that Sheena seemed embarrassed of her dancing abilities so she stopped and just held her and stared.

“Pearl!” Steven yelled.

Sheena and Pearl turned and saw Steven, Garnet and Amethyst all running towards them. They all embraced and laughed and cried.

“Pearl, you’re back, you’re really, really back!” Steven buried his face into her stomach.

Pearl squeezed him and the others and repeated. “I’m home.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for this week! Gonna take the weekend to help me buffer a few more chapters and then will be daily weekdays again for a bit. Hope you are enjoying the rewrite and all the changes! Thanks for reading! <3


	6. Mending

After a day of celebration and reuniting with everyone, Pearl slipped away into her room and changed back into her normal outfit from before she had been captured. She checked on her sword collection and cleaned the blades, which took a good portion of the day. Once done, she decided to try to remember all of things she had observed while with White Diamond and write it down.

Pearl hadn't even pulled out paper and a pencil from her gem before a sudden memory of White asking who she belonged to interrupted her. The white barrier closed back down and trapped Pearl in her mind again. Pearl tried to break free but couldn't.

Pearl had shut down on her tallest fountain and the water dragged her down and dumped her into Amethyst's room. Amethyst was sprawled out on one of her mattresses and jumped up in surprise at the sudden intrusion.

“Pearl?”

Amethyst pulled Pearl out of the pond and shuttered at the dead stare on Pearl's face. “Hey P., snap out of it.”

No response. Amethyst looked around, trying to figure out what to do. Then she grinned as an idea came to her.

Amethyst picked Pearl up, lifting over her head and laughing. “Alright Pearl, I know how much you just loooooove all my piles in here, so how about I add you to the collection?”

Pearl started flailing and shouted. “Amethyst NO!”

Pearl's sudden movement threw of Amethyst's balance and they both went crashing to the ground, a tangle of limbs and hair.

Amethyst laughed even harder. “I knew that would snap you out of it.”

Pearl sat upright and squawked. “Amethyst that was not funny! It's bad enough you have piles of junk in The Temple, but adding me to one of the piles is just, just,” Pearl paused. There was something about the way Amethyst was looking at her that threw Pearl off, a sadness in her eyes Pearl wasn't used to seeing. Pearl realized that in an odd way she had missed Amethyst pushing her buttons and thought maybe Amethyst had missed Pearl snapping at her in response.

Pearl shook her head and started laughing at that thought. How ridiculous would it be to miss something like a friend's nagging after annoying them? Pearl stood up and dusted herself off. “Thanks for bringing me back. I wouldn't have been able to break through again without you.”

Amethyst blushed and waved her hand. “Eh, it's no big deal.” She looked away and added. “Hey, you know that stuff at my kindergarten? I've never held any of that against you. And, well, I kinda thought it brought us closer together, so like, don't beat yourself up about it.”

Pearl blushed and looked at the ground. “You and Steven saw the recording.”

“Yeah. That was pretty messed up that she had it on non-stop so you had to watch it over and over.”

Pearl grabbed her elbow. “It was certainly...draining. It did make me think a lot though, and I agree with you, even though we fought, it did bring us closer together. Oh no! Steven heard the part about him then! Wh-what did he say?”

Amethyst grimaced. “Yeeeeeah, he didn't say anything. I'm not sure if he was paying attention. Honestly though, as messed up as wondering if Rose will come back when Steven dies is, I've thought it too. I think we probably all have. So, don't beat yourself up about that either.”

Pearl hugged Amethyst tight. “Thank you. It's good to be home.”

Amethyst hugged Pearl back and then pushed her away. “Alright, alright, enough with the sappy stuff already. I've gotta rearrange my piles. Try not to crash in next time yeah?”

Pearl chuckled. “No promises.”

It kept happening. Pearl would be doing something and a memory from White Diamond would interject itself, leaving her imprisoned in her head again. Steven found Pearl standing in the living room with a broom on the floor next to her after obsessive cleaning was interrupted by the memory of White Diamond ordering Pearl to tell her flaws.

Garnet found Pearl frozen on the stairs leading to the beach. Light had reflected off a piece of metal in the sand and hit her eyes in a way that reminded her of White Diamond's final attack on her.

Steven found Pearl a second time on the couch with pen and paper on the coffee table. Pearl had again tried to remember the information she gathered from White for her secret mission.

Then while training Connie and Steven, Pearl missed and attack saw her arm being crushed between White's fingers. Connie had to throw herself off balance and fell to the ground to avoid hitting her mentor when the Gem froze and dropped her sword.

A rotation was created so Pearl would never be alone. Pearl wanted to be alone sometimes though. Pearl wanted everything to feel normal. She wanted to feel like she wasn't broken.

Late afternoon a week after Pearl's return, Steven and Pearl were watching a movie together. Steven hadn't told anyone, but he had been having a hard time sleeping since White Diamond had taken over his body. He nodded off halfway through the movie.

Pearl took advantage of this and slipped away. She decided to go for a quiet walk along the beach before a bad storm that was blowing in hit. Pearl walked with her hands behind her back and a small smile, enjoying the sun and the salty air blowing off the ocean. The memory of White commanding her to kneel froze Pearl up.

The afternoon rolled by as Pearl tried to fight through the white barrier. After a while, she saw vague shapes and distorted sounds that alerted her the squall had finally rolled in. The tide was starting to rise and Pearl began to panic; she was going to be washed away.

Garnet swooped in and picked Pearl up, leaping back to the house. Pearl clutched at Garnet and held on to whatever she could. When Pearl regained consciousness she saw they were in the living room dripping water all over the floor, and she was tightly grasping Garnet's shirt that was above her chest plate.

“Oh, sorry.” Pearl blushed and let go. “Oh no! I made a mess!” Pearl exclaimed and pushed away from Garnet, stumbling and grabbing a mop to try to hide her embarrassment.

Garnet placed a hand on Pearl's shoulder. “Pearl, it's just going to take time. Until then we just want to keep you safe.”

“Everything okay?” Steven asked from the stairs, rubbing sleep from his eyes. “Why didn't you wake me up Pearl, and why were you guys out in the storm?”

“It's fine, I'm fine, everything is fine.” Pearl used a quick burst of power to get the water off her form and started furiously mopping.

“Everything is not fine Pearl, and if you don't face it things are going to get worse.” Garnet said sternly.

Pearl snapped. “How am I supposed to face it? I really am useless on my own now! One stray thought and she has me again and I almost get swept into the ocean!” Pearl tried to spin around but slipped in the puddle and landed face-first, gem clinking against the wooden floorboards.

Pearl started sobbing and laughing uncontrollably as she lifted herself into a sitting position. She could feel the barrier starting to come back. “I'm so t-tired of fighting her,” Pearl gasped out between short, ragged, sobs. “I just want to be here and not think about her and I can't.”

Pearl wrapped her arms around her torso. “I'm just too weak. She's in a completely different star system and yet she's still in control.” 

“Pearl,” Steven sat next to Pearl and hugged her, “you're not useless. Or weak. You just need a break and you can't get one and it's not fair. That's why we're here for you.”

Steven squeezed Pearl tight. “No one can fight 24/7, that's why we're a team. That's why we're happy you're back, because we need you too.”

Pearl leaned against Steven and let her hands fall to her lap. Steven let go of the hug and moved one hand to Pearl's back. “Just talk to us. Let us know what we can do.”

Amethyst came out of her room. “Uhhhhh, are we playing in the rain or something?”

Pearl stood up and grabbed Steven a pair of clean pants. “Steven, you got some water on your pants, you should change.” She held them out to him.

Steven frowned and hastily grabbed the pants. “Pearl c'mon. You need to talk about this. We don't know how to help you if you don't talk to us!”

“I can't Steven, I'm too tired.” Pearl let her hands drop again as the barrier was clouding her vision. “I just can't do this right now.” She let the white cage overcome her. She could vaguely hear Steven and the others trying to snap her out of it but she didn't focus on them. Pearl just shut down and shut everything out.

Pearl didn't know how much time she had allowed to pass. She focused on the distorted shapes and felt warmth. There was a steady breathing as well. Pearl realized it was Sheena. She focused in on her.

Pearl found herself on the couch. It was dark and Sheena had fallen asleep next to her, her head on Pearl's shoulder. Pearl hadn't even realized Sheena had come over.

With as little movement as possible, Pearl stood up, laid Sheena down on the couch, and put a blanket over her. Garnet came out of The Temple, pointed to the porch, and went outside. Pearl kissed Sheena on the forehead and then followed.

Pearl's hands fidgeted as she stood next to Garnet. She watched as the sun was starting to rise, the colors more vibrant than usual after the storm. “I'm...sorry I tuned everything out for a while. I know you all just want to help me, I really do. I just, I was just overwhelmed.”

Garnet crossed her arms. “I understand. But,” she looked at Pearl and grinned, “keep in mind the silent treatment is my thing.”

Pearl chuckled. “That is true.”

“Are you ready to talk?”

Pearl nodded and closed her eyes. “It was awful Garnet. I hated every moment of being with her. Thousands of years of freedom just seemed to disappear. The routine she set up made me feel like I was nothing. The punishments, the things she controlled me to say and do, was all the opposite of what I wanted.”

Pearl gripped her biceps. “I was in so much pain. I lost track of time, I thought it had been twenty, twenty-five days maybe, certainly not forty-eight. Then I was so scared after the punishment for your visit I ripped my own gem out to avoid it again. She got to me Garnet.”

Pearl moved her hands to the railing and hunkered over it to push through as the barrier tried to shut her down again. “She got to me so thoroughly, when my diamond, agh, White Diamond,” Pearl slammed a fist against the rail in frustration.

Garnet placed a hand on top of Pearl's. Pearl took a moment and evened out her breathing.

“When White Diamond retracted her will from my mind and let me choose to destroy the Sun Incinerator or accept punishment for Amethyst and Steven visiting I, I,” it took every ounce of Pearl’s will to fight the barrier, “I almost destroyed you! I took aim at the ship and brought up the weapons and it wasn't to fool White Diamond while I infiltrated her system further. It was because for a moment I accepted that I would spend the rest of my days under her rule. And now I'm still losing to her.” Pearl sobbed and heaved.

“Oh Pearl,” Garnet squeezed Pearl's hand, “don't be so hard on yourself. What you did was absolutely amazing and unprecedented. Thousands of Gems follow her orders and never even question it, not even Yellow and Blue Diamond disobey her. Not to mention I have never heard of any Gem who ignored her control and attack like you did when you freed us at the ‘peace talks’. Even I wanted to kneel and she wasn't even focusing on me.”

Garnet got rid of her glasses. “You stood up and freed us though Pearl. After all she did to you, you still chose your own path. You didn't fire at the Sun Incinerator. I'm sure White Diamond didn't give you access to sensitive systems like her main power either, you secretly figured out how to do that with her in the same room. Not to mention I always felt safest on the battlefield when you had my back, and I have been able to rely on you all these thousands of years. That is who you really are. You're different, you're strong, you're a rebel, you _are_ a Crystal Gem.”

Pear steadied her breathing and smiled. She turned her hand over and squeezed Garnet’s, feeling the smooth triangular cut of Sapphire's gem in her palm. “Thank you.”

A breeze pushed the hair from Pearl's face and she turned towards the ocean. She watched as the reds and oranges bleeding away the dark into a rich and pure blue as the birds started their morning serenades. “This truly is a beautiful planet.”

“Yep,” Garnet moved her hand so it dangled over Pearl's shoulder, “and it's our home. A place worth protecting and living on.”

Sheena came out of the house stretching and yawning. Garnet patted Pearl on the back and then made room at the railing between herself and Pearl. “Come join us, we're watching the sun rise.”

Sheena shuffled over, running a hand through her pink hair, and leaned onto the railing in the opened space. “Looks like it's going to be a gorgeous day. Great for a bike ride.”

“I hope we didn't wake you.” Pearl leaned against Sheena.

“Don't worry about it, I should be awake anyway. Have to pick up some stuff for work before I head out for the week. Plus it sounds like you got something important off your chest too, so that's good.”

Pearl nodded. “I did. I uh, take it you heard then?”

Sheena shrugged. “Some of it, wasn't trying to eavesdrop or anything though. Figured if you wanted to talk to me, you would. Magical aliens and an ancient war may be outside of my expertise so I'm glad you have someone,” she motioned with her head to Garnet who gave a thumbs-up, “but I'm always here to listen if you need.”

Pearl nodded. “Thank you. I will keep that in mind. So you'll be out of the area?”

Sheena nodded. “Yeah, have to install this new software my company is rolling out in our region. Just a test system for now, but may end up being a national rollout if all goes well. I helped developed a lot of it so I'm pretty excited, although, a little nervous too.”

“Hope it goes as planned then. Will we be able to see each other again before you head out?”

Sheena wrapped her arm around Pearl's waist and rested her hand on Pearl's hip. “Of course. That's why I want to grab what I need now, should be done by the afternoon and then we can spend the rest of the day together.”

Pearl smiled and clasped her hands together. “Good, I'll be around.”

“Alright,” Sheena pulled Pearl in and gave her a kiss, then walked down the stairs and waved, “see you later babe.”

Pearl blushed at the human term of endearment.

Garnet grinned and scooted closer to Pearl, leaning on the railing. “You two seem to be getting close.”

Pearl blushed even bluer. “Y-yeah we really are. It's funny, it's only been a few months but in a lot of way I feel as close as if it had been thousands.”

“It's a good feeling isn't it?” Garnet's grin got even wider and her teeth were now visible.

Pearl chuckled at how excited Garnet was for her. “It's wonderful. Of course being me, I do worry. I know eventually we'll argue and I know I can be...over-bearing sometimes. And as long as I don't get shattered I'll outlive her by a lot and it will become harder and harder to lose her the closer we get, but, it just feels right.”

Garnet placed her hand on Pearl’s shoulder. “Just keep talking with her Pearl, communication is the key for a stable fusion and relationship.”

Amethyst came out of the house. “Oh hey P. good to see you back in action.” She stretched. “So what's the plan today Garnet?”

“Well, there is a mission we should go on. Pearl, do you want to come along?”

“Uh, not today. I think I'll just spend some time with Steven. Besides, I want to be here when Sheena gets back.”

“Oooooooh, you guys gonna go on a hot date?” Amethyst smirked.

Pearl rolled her eyes. “We're just going to spend some time together before she has to go on a work trip.”

“Oh really, sure you are.” Amethyst transformed into Pearl and hit her butt. “Woomp woomp.”

“Amethyst,” Pearl stomped her foot and crossed her arms, “don't be vulgar!”

“Me vulgar?” She turned back to normal and cackled. “I would never.”

“Amethyst be nice to Pearl.” Garnet placed her hand on top of Amethyst's head. “Also we need to get going. We’ll take Peridot with us too. Pearl, make sure everything runs smoothly here.”

“I'm on it.” Pearl replied and put her hands on her hips.

They all went back inside and Garnet and Amethyst warped out. Pearl quietly cleaned the house and started laundry as Steven slept for a few more hours.

Once Steven woke up and got ready for the day, he asked Pearl where the others were.

“Oh, they went on a mission. I thought maybe we could use some time together and do something fun though so I stayed behind. What do you think?”

Steven didn't make eye contact as he replied. “Y-yeah, sure.”

“Are you okay Steven?”

Steven paused. “It's just,” his brows furrowed, “never mind.”

Pearl took in a deep breath. “We need to talk don't we?”

Steven clenched his fists and fought back tears.

“It's okay Steven.” Pearl sat down on the couch and patted the cushion next to her. “Is this about the recording? Amethyst told me you two saw it.”

“Agh, NO!” Steven threw his hands up in the air. “I'm mad at you!”

Pearl froze with her mouth open, taken aback from surprise.

“I know you're having a hard time right now, and I feel bad that I'm angry but I am! You left me behind again. Garnet told me you knew one of the outcomes would be White Diamond shattering you and you didn't tell me.”

Steven shook his head and closed his eyes. “You even went so far as to make a plan with Amethyst and Garnet to leave you behind and have me 'guard the ship' so I wouldn't be there. I could have lost you Pearl and I wouldn't even have had a chance to say good bye.”

Steven sniffled and wiped snot from his nose. “Then you wouldn't let me help you when you were with White Diamond, you kept pushing us all away. And last night you wouldn't even talk to me and I can't understand why! Do you...do you thinks I'm useless?”

“Oh no, no, no, no, Steven.” Pearl sighed. “I would never in a million years think you are useless Steven.”

“Then WHY?!”

Pearl teared up and stared at her hands as they started fidgeting. “I can't believe I made the same mistake again. Oh Steven,” she walked over and kneeled, “I'm sorry I hurt you. You're right, I shouldn't have kept the possibility White would shatter me a secret. I-I need to stop treating you like a child, that part is my fault.”

Pearl looked away from Steven. “I was being selfish in a lot of ways. I wanted to protect you, but also, I, how do I explain this? In my mind, I compartmentalize my life, there's when I served White Diamond, when I was with Pink, the war, and then my life on Earth after the war ended. They're all separate and that's how it's supposed to be for me. When different elements of my life were colliding together I just, I didn't know how to handle it. I still don't.”

Pearl looked back at Steven. “I wanted to force things to remain as separated as possible. It's not like I even believed you would think less of me when you learned White Diamond used to own me. I just, I never wanted you to see that part of my life. I'm sorry I ended up hurting you instead. Steven, I'm flawed, a keep a lot of things to myself and I can be manipulative. I think that's something I'll always struggle with.

She placed her hands on Steven's shoulders. “But I know with absolute certainty, that I need you. You're right, no one can fight 24/7, and I know I can't beat White Diamond on my own, and I don't have to either. Even when I was with her thinking about you helped a lot. Right before I disabled her ship, I almost gave up, but I remembered all of you encouraging me and that gave me strength. You help me learn and grow all the time. I'm sorry I shut you out. Can you forgive me?”

He crossed his arms and thought, and then said, “On one condition.”

“Name it.”

Steven held out his pinky. “You have to pinky swear that you'll never leave me out of the loop if an intergalactic tyrant might shatter or kidnap you again.”

Pearl smiled and clasped her pinky around his. “I pinky swear that will never happen again, and, I swear I will keep striving to be better than I am.”

Steven pulled Pearl into a hug and squeezed her tight. “Then I forgive you.”

“Thank you.” Pearl squeezed him back.

“Oh!” Steven exclaimed and let Pearl go, excited stars in his eyes. “Can we get donuts and then come back and play karaoke? I got a whole bunch of new songs and haven't had a chance to play any of them yet. Please?”

Pearl stood up. “That sounds perfect, you know I happen to be a good singer.” She winked.

The two started walking to the Big Donut as Steven started telling Pearl everything that happened while she was away after he learned she hadn't heard it the first time while she was still trapped in her head.


	7. Remembering

“And then the monster came right at me! I formed the Spikey Bubble and poofed it though. Garnet let me bubble it and send it back to The Temple too!” Steven finished telling Pearl about a mission he went while she was gone right as they walked in to the Big Donut.

“Well, I'm very proud of you Steven. You sure have gained a lot of control of your powers recently. But, do try to be a little more careful, I don't want you getting hurt.”

Steven grinned from ear to ear, he had missed Pearl so much, and now she was back and giving motherly advice as usual.

Mr. Dewey straightened up when he saw Pearl and stuttered. “W-welcome to the Big Donut, wh-what can I get you two?” He winked and then leaned against the counter and smiled.

“One chocolate donut please.” Steven ordered and dug through his pockets, placing money on the counter for his purchase.

“And for you pretty lady?” Mr. Dewey asked Pearl as he bagged a chocolate donut.

Pearl became uncomfortable and grimaced at the donut. “Uhhh, nothing. I don't particularly enjoy eating.”

“Oh, well,” Mr. Dewey wiped sweat from his brow and handed Steven his donut, “that's too bad. I guess then, uh, never mind.”

“Oo-kay? Let's go Steven.” Pearl placed a hand on Steven's back.

Once the two left the shop Pearl looked back with a brow raised. “He is a very odd human.”

Steven chuckled. “He's just nervous around you because he likes you.”

“Likes me? Why? I've barely even interacted with him.”

Steven shrugged. “I guess he just finds you attractive.”

Pearl grimaced again. “Oh you mean he likes me as in he wants to,” she shuddered, “well that's certainly not going to happen.”

Steven took a bite of his donut. “Well yeah, you're already dating someone else.”

Pearl blushed. “We're not officially dating.”

“Huh? But you two talk and hang out all the time, and kiss, and seem really close.”

“I- uh-I suppose that is true. Neither of us has formally asked each other out exactly. We've just been talking and...clicked as humans say? I suppose she isn't formal in a lot of ways though...I'll have to ask her when she gets back.”

Once the two got back to the house they set up the karaoke game. Pearl and Steven started chatting. Steven noticed Pearl was writing something on the paper she had previously placed on the coffee table. He realized it looked like Gem writing so he couldn't read it.

“What are you working on?” Steven asked and got closer to look.

“What do you mean?” Pearl looked at Steven but kept writing.

Steven chuckled. “C'mon Pearl, I mean what are you writing?”

Pearl frowned. “I'm not writing anything.” She looked down and gasped. “It's part of the information I got from White Diamond.”

Pearl looked closer and focused more, then she stiffened up and went blank.

“Pearl? Hey,” Steven waved his hand in front of Pearl's eyes but didn't get a reaction, “Pearl, come back.” He gently shook her.

Pearl grabbed Steven's hand and started slowly speaking. “Ste-ven,” she blinked a few times and was able to speak more clearly. “Sorry...about that.” She blinked again and shook her head, back to normal. “I know I saw some very important information while I was spying on White Diamond, but every time I think about it, I get trapped in my mind.”

“It's okay, I'm sure it'll come back eventually.” Steven hugged Pearl and loaded a song to start them with.

Steven noticed Pearl start writing again. He wasn't sure if he should point it out again or just let her keep getting the information out while she was distracted. Steven decided to just keep her focus on the game and chatting with him.

Pearl went through several pieces of paper, and they soon stacked up a good couple of inches. Steven thought she must have seen a whole lot while she was with White Diamond. Pearl didn't go blank again so he figured she was subconsciously wanting to get the information out but not able to consciously do it.

When Sheena came back in the afternoon, she commented on it and Pearl went blank again when she looked at all she had written. Steven explained to Sheena what was going on and they agreed to keep Pearl distracted.

Sheena brought Pearl back with a quick kiss to her gem. The three kept playing a chatting for a few more hours. Steven decided to end karaoke with the song they had listened to on the way to the show where Pearl met Sheena.

Sheena chuckled at the choice and brought Pearl close to her. “You know, that day I was thinking how I'd probably end up solo the rest of my life. Never imagined I'd meet a magical lady knocking over a bunch of cups at the Big Donut.”

Pearl blushed and laughed. “Oh no, I was hoping you had forgotten about that.”

“It was pretty memorable, although not as memorable as that look you gave me in the car.” Sheena glanced at the stack of papers Pearl had written and frowned. “So Steven, what do you wanna do now? Got any other games we could play?”

Pearl gasped. Sheena and Steven looked over. Pearl had stopped writing and was looking at the stack of papers. This time, she didn't go blank.

“I,” she placed the pen down, “I did it. Have you two just been distracting me?”

“It seemed really important.” Steven said and shut off the TV. “So what does it all mean?”

Pearl started laying all the pages out. “I'll have to organize it by day. It's only bits and pieces since I couldn't look at her screen constantly and there were multiple sessions throughout the day.”

“Sessions?” Steven asked.

“Yes,” Pearl continued organizing the pages on the floor, “it's what I started referring to the time with White Diamond versus being in the cell.” She was on the third day when she blushed and looked at Sheena. “I'm sorry, I got so caught up. We were supposed to just spend time together and relax before your trip.”

Sheena shrugged. “No biggie, this seems important, like something you need to do to move on.”

Steven noticed Sheena fidgeting and frowning as Pearl finished laying all the pages out, but he wasn't sure why. He figured it must be because she was worried about Pearl.

Pearl said. “There, finished.” Then she stood up after the last page was placed.

Steven counted the piles. “But, you were there for more than nine days?”

Pearl nodded. “I wasn't allowed access to the computer the entire time though. It wasn't until I started to become more compliant that I was able to gather information.” She looked hard at the eighth day, which was only a single page. “Hmm, I feel like something is missing here.”

The Warp Pad activated as Garnet and Amethyst returned.

“Whoa P.,” Amethyst looked at all the papers. “Love how you've redecorated the place.” She walked over to the first day and looked like she was going to kick them around.

Pearl leapt over and stopped her. “Amethyst, no! This is all the info I gathered from White Diamond. I have it organized for a reason.”

“Okay, okay.” Amethyst slapped Pearl's hand away and then flopped down on the couch between Sheena and Steven.. “What's it all say?”

Garnet was already studying the information. On the sixth day she stopped. “Are you sure this is right Pearl?”

Pearl nodded. “As accurate as I can remember. It would be nice to verify though. Peridot would be able to help in some way. Where is she, I thought she had gone on the mission, but I didn't see her warp in?”

“Oh yeah, she likes to garden sometimes too.” Steven stoop up and started walking to the Warp Pad. “She probably went to where the barn used to be. I'll go get her.”

“Thank you Steven.” Pearl smiled and then stared at the page again.

Steven warped to the hole Lapis had carved out of the Earth when she had ran away. After trying to grow flowers at the Alpha Kindergarten, Peridot had started a garden there. There were several rows of different yellow, pink, and purple flowers that Amethyst had been helping her grow.

Peridot had decided against growing vegetables again yet, but she had also planted a small orchard with a few stone fruits. Steven saw a ladder in the orchard but no sign of Peridot.

“Peridot!” He called and walked closer to the hole. He didn't hear a response.

Steven didn't see her in the flowers either, although as tall as the sunflowers were he knew she could be hidden from view there. He sighed, there was one more place to check before going through the sunflowers, although he hoped he was wrong.

Steven peeked into the crater and frowned. Peridot was sitting at the bottom of the pit, arms wrapped around her knees, staring up at the sky. He had found her there a few times, morose and thinking too much about the past.

Steven jumped and floated down. “Hey Peridot. You okay?”

Peridot turned and looked at him. “Hello Steven I'm...I don't know. At first I kept thinking, if I had done something different, if I had been different, maybe Lapis would have stayed. But then Amethyst told me that wasn't on me, finding a reason to stay was on Lapis and Lapis only. And I suppose she is right.”

Steven nodded. “Yeah she is.”

Peridot looked up again. “After I accepted that I realized I wasn't as sad anymore. Then I was sad that I wasn't as sad. Now I'm not as sad about that either.”

Peridot threw her hands up in the air and then leaned back. “I guess I just...don't miss her as much now. I mean, I still hope she comes back one day of course, but I've also accepted that I will be fine without her. I don't know, I suppose none of that makes sense.”

Steven chuckled. “It makes a lot of sense really. You two were close, it's normal that you miss her. But missing someone doesn't mean you don't deserve to be happy.”

Peridot hummed. “True. So what brought you here Steven? Do you wish to see the progress of the flowers of the sun? They are no longer a height that allows them to be a part of the Shorty Squad.”

“Oh right!” Steven snapped. “Pearl remembered all the information she got from White Diamond and was wondering if you could help us figure out if it's right.”

“Ah, of course.” Peridot nodded. “Although I don't really know what I'll be able to contribute.”

Steven and Peridot left the pit and warped back to The Temple. Pearl was exactly where she had been when Steven left. Sheena stood behind Pearl with one hand on her back; she looked even more worried.

Pearl looked up at Peridot. “Peridot, good, can you verify any of this information? No doubt you were given incomplete data, but as a kindergarten technician so you would have some idea.”

“Uh, sure.” Peridot started looking over the pages. “Wait no, that can't be...although.” She gasped when she looked at the sixth day. “No, no, this can't be right. I mean, we all knew resources were dwindling but...” Peridot got really quiet when she looked at the rest of the pages.

“Well,” Pearl asked. “Is it possible?”

“Is what possible?” Steven asked.

Peridot looked at the sixth day again. “I mean, I don't want to believe it, but I can't think of why White Diamond would have inaccurate data, unless she knew you were spying.”

“She was definitely unaware.” Pearl was focused on the eight day again. “She never intended for me to be back on Earth and cognizant so she had no reason to deceive me. If she had seen me looking a her console without ordering it she would have just punished me and stopped giving me access.”

“What is it?” Steven asked again, exasperated.

Peridot looked at Steven. “As you already know, resources are becoming scarce, that's why I don't have as many abilities as you Era One Gems. According to this though, things are worse than we were led to believe.”

Peridot frowned. “A lot worse. Unless several new viable colony sites are found, the Gem Empire will be completely out of resources in a couple hundred years or so. On top of that, all the recent surveys haven't shown any sites with the necessary conditions.”

“But there's still a couple hundred years until that happens so something could change right?” Steven asked.

Peridot shrugged. “In human terms maybe, but in Gem terms, that's nothing. Especially without a viable site in mind. Even getting a single kindergarten set up in that time is nearly impossible.”

“That would just mean that new Gems can't be made though right? That's not necessarily bad is it?” Steven looked at the others.

“It's not just the lack of new Gems Steven.” Garnet added. “Colonies provide material and energy to maintain Gem tech. We aren't a race that can adapt and grow like humans do. If how Gems have operated for several thousands of years is suddenly no longer viable...it will be chaos.”

“The collapse of the Gem Empire.” Peridot finished.

Pearl huffed and crossed her arms in frustration. “Why can't I remember anything else from this day?” She was still glaring at the same page.

Steven thought. “Well, that would have been the day before you were rescued. Which would have been the day Yellow Diamond visited by herself.”

“Wait, what?” Yellow Diamond didn't visit by herself.” Pearl looked at Steven confused.

“Yeah she did.” Steven nodded. “That's how we were tracking White Diamond since we couldn't trace her actual ship.”

“Why can't I?” Pearl winced and placed her hand on one of her temples. “Yellow Diamond visited but I can't remember what – agh!” Pearl suddenly doubled over in pain and passed out.

Sheena caught Pearl before she hit the ground. “Pearl? What happened?”

Sheena brought Pearl to the couch. Amethyst moved and let her lay Pearl down. Pearl started projecting a memory.


	8. The Missing Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to the day before Pearl was rescued, the missing day.

Pearl was sitting with her head buried in her knees, which she was holding tightly up to her chest. The cell started lifting up and she gave a heavy. She clutched the diamond on her shirt, covering it briefly. Right before White Diamond was visible, Pearl snapped into a standard pearl stance and put on a fake smile.

Without looking at Pearl, White slipped further into her mind and Pearl grimaced for a moment before smiling again.

“You know the routine Pearl.” White said.

Pearl inhaled sharply and fell to her knees, gem pressed to the ground.

White Diamond started the normal series of questions. “Did you have any visitors from Earth?”

“No my diamond.” Pearl replied.

“Good. Who are you?”

“I-I am your pearl.”

“Do you have any power?”

“My power is your power.”

“What are you?”

Pearl twitched briefly. “I am your tool to be used as you need.”

“Who do you belong to?” White looked down at Pearl.

“I belong to you.”

“Excellent.” White Diamond gestured to a spot next to her throne. “Stand up and take your place at my side.

Pearl nodded and did as she was told.

The door to the throne room of White Diamond's ship opened. Yellow Diamond and her pearl walked in.

“Presenting the ever radiant, ever-logical, and ever-resilient, Yellow Diamond.” Yellow Pearl announced.

That’s enough Pearl, she knows who I am.” Yellow Diamond said with mild disdain.

“Y-yes my diamond, of course.” Yellow Pearl did a quick curtsey and then hopped over next to Pearl. She gave one look at the symbol on Pearl’s shirt and smirked. Pearl sighed and tried not to glare at Yellow Pearl, she wasn’t particularly in the mood to deal with her smugness.

“My apologies White.” Yellow Diamond started. “She is a good pearl, but a bit on the chatty side.”

Yellow Pearl blushed.

White Diamond chuckled. “Think nothing of it. I have found the pearl made for me is also on the chatty side. Isn’t that right Pearl?”

Pearl stiffened up. “Oh um, I, I certainly do enjoy the stimulation an in-depth conversation provides.” Pearl was nervous but managed to not blurt out anything else. She glanced at Yellow Pearl who rolled her eyes. Pearl grumbled under her breath.

Pearl felt Yellow Diamond’s glare stabbing at her.

“White, are you sure it is wise to discuss matters in front of this… ‘former’ traitor?”

“Are you questioning my judgement Yellow?” White Diamond leaned back in her throne and pressed her hands together.

Yellow Diamond’s gaze snapped away from Pearl to look at White. “Of course not.” Her stance stiffened and she held her hands behind her back.

White Diamond’s eyes narrowed. “Of course not what?

“Of course not my diamond.” Yellow’s tone was short and she gave a quick bow.

Yellow Pearl started trembling. Curious, Pearl glanced and Yellow Pearl’s face and realized she was terrified. The atmosphere in the room certainly did feel thick enough to cut with her spear, but this reaction still puzzled Pearl.

White Diamond smiled. “Good, never forget your place Yellow. However, we don’t need either of these pearls for the next part of our discussion. Pearls, you are to go down the hall and wait at the secondary door until told otherwise. That will be all.” White Diamond clapped twice.

Pearl involuntarily flinched at the sound. Yellow Pearl formerly curtseyed and saluted. “Of course your radiances.”

Pearl almost slipped up but remembered the proper etiquette and acknowledged only White Diamond. She formerly curtseyed and saluted as well. “My diamond.”

The two pearls walked sided by side with their hands behind their backs. Yellow Diamond briefly glared at Pearl again as she passed. They passed the first set of doors, which closed behind them, then walked the narrow hallway passed a second set of doors. 

Once the second set of doors closed, they were left alone in the corridor.

Yellow Pearl groaned. “Great just great. She is not going to be in a good mood after this.” She started pacing. “Ugh, and we have to scout the new sector that will probably end up being another waste of time and that’s going to frustrate her even more.”

Pearl was a little surprised. Yellow Pearl had never dropped her guard like this around her. Blue used to bend the rules of silent and still waiting sometimes, but Yellow had never done it in front of her before. Pearl shook off her surprise and asked. “Why are so nervous?”

“Well – and don’t get me wrong, my diamond is absolutely loyal – but she does like to be in control. So when your diamond goes out of her way to remind mine who’s in charge it tends to… blacken her mood. Then any little things can set her off. When that happens, let’s just say I have become excellent at dodging errant electricity.”

Pearl stood at ease, she could still vaguely feel White Diamond in her mind, but it was distant, likely just the tug of her command to remain at the door. “That, doesn’t sound like the Yellow Diamond I used to know. I mean, she certainly always preferred to be in charge to insure precision and efficiency, but uncontrollable anger is new. Unless you just never told me about it before.”

Yellow shook her head and wrapped her arms around her. “No, it’s new. She always had a bit of a temper, but she changed after the war. All of the diamonds did really. Blue’s cries practically non-stop and her productivity plummeted. Yours flat out disappeared for a little over a thousand years and has only recently started to interact more. Mine has just…I don’t know. She’s more distant, but she’s always angry and sad at the same time.”

Yellow Pearl waved an invisible thought out of the air. “Enough about the past though.” Yellow moved so her face was only inches from Pearl’s. “Are you truly one of us again? Blue said she missed you. She said whenever she could convince you to relax a little and bend the rules with her she enjoyed your company.”

Pearl smiled and chuckled. It was true, as Pink Diamond’s pearl she had mostly been strict about following rules and cautious, but Blue had been an exception. She always let Blue initiate, and it was only a handful of times in the hundreds of years, but it was a nice break.

“I haven’t thought about that in a long time. She almost always whispered. We mostly just danced or I would help her sculpt something with her ice and bits of metal I would collect. She liked to talk about the different colors of plant life on some of the colonies before their completion too.”

Yellow smiled. “She still likes to do all of that, although I’m not much for the dancing. She told me to specifically ask about the agate on Outpost 25 J?”

“Oh!” Pearl laughed harder than she had in a while and had to stifle it with her hand. “That was easily the riskiest thing Blue and I did. You know how agates can be sometimes.”

“Yes, I’m very aware.” Yellow said tersely.

“This particular agate caught us singing instead of waiting quietly while our diamonds were in one of their long meetings. She made Blue nervous, and when Blue gets nervous—”

“She starts muttering and humming loudly.” Yellow interjected.

“Exactly, this of course didn’t go over well with the agate. She back-handed Blue in the face and said she didn’t care if we were diamond pearls, we were still pearls and had to fall in line on her outpost.”

“Ugh,” Yellow scowled, “that certainly sounds like an agate alright.”

“I didn’t particularly take kindly to it, so once the agate was distracted communicating with the gems under her via the screen in the hall I modified this little disc I had seen a peridot use once to prank a ruby.” Pearl relaxed enough that she started talking with her hands as she usually did.

“Wait, those weird little discs that seem to disappear once they slide them on the ground until a gem steps on it and it shocks them?” Yellow raised an eyebrow.

“Yes exactly, I guess they still use that particular prank.”

Yellow nodded. “It is quite popular. They seem to enjoy antagonizing rubies since they can never figure out what’s going on.”

Pearl continued her story. “I couldn’t fix the element that caused the shock so I had Blue add a layer of ice. Then I waited until she was about to come back towards us to slide it in place. She ended up falling face first on the floor.”

Yellow snickered. “Nicely done.”

“It gets better though, by sheer coincident Blue’s Diamond came out because they had decided to take a break and when she saw the agate on the floor she asked,” Pearl cleared her throat and did an impression of Blue Diamond, “Agate, is there something that needs supervising on the floor or are you damaged in some way?”

Yellow started laughing. 

Pearl finished her story, “She was so thrown off she hastily got to her feet, stumbled over her words, saluted and left. Her face was just mortified by sheer embarrassment. She didn’t come back either.”

“Your Blue Diamond impression is pretty spot on. I can’t believe you and Blue pranked an agate. You didn’t get caught?”

Pearl shook my head, “Not at all. A little puddle of water formed on the floor once the ice melted, but a ruby guard came by, was very confused, then just shrugged and heated it up with her foot until the water evaporated.”

Yellow chuckled again. “Perhaps… perhaps you and I could have bent the rules a little back then too. Maybe we’ll get some chances now even. That is, until your diamond can take you over in an instant again.”

Pearl shifted a little. “I would…appreciate that. Oh, where is Pink Pearl? Or the pearl that would have replaced me? I haven’t seen either this entire time.”

Yellow shook her head. “White had Pink Pearl out as an…example until quite recently, then she bubbled her away. She never had a replacement for you created.”

“She never replaced me? How bizarre.” Pearl frowned. “Why-”

The door suddenly opened. Yellow Pearl jumped back to Pearl’s side and they both stood at attention. White Diamond’s voice from down the hall. “That will be _all_ Yellow.” Two claps followed the stern order.

Yellow Pearl’s face contorted with fear. She turned to Pearl and quickly whispered as Yellow Diamond’s heels started clicking down the hall. “Be ready to dodge.”

“What?”

Small bolts of lightning shot from Yellow Diamond’s feet as she stomped passed the door. Yellow Pearl ended up on the other side of her diamond to avoid the bolts and Pearl ended up pinned against the wall.

Yellow Pearl started to salute and say something as the door closed. Yellow Diamond cut her off. “YOU!” She shouted and glared at Pearl. Her expression was as filled with rage as the time Peridot called her a clod.

“Uhhhh,” Pearl stood at attention and saluted sheepishly, trying her best to smile.

Yellow Diamond clenched her teeth. Pearl saw Yellow Pearl waving from behind her diamond. Pearl glanced at her and Yellow Pearl pointed to her face and mouthed. “Say something.”

“Oh, uh,” Pearl looked at Yellow Diamond again. “Is there a task you wish for me to complete your radiance?” Since she was not in the presence of White Diamond, Pearl made sure to use a typical term of respect for a diamond.

“What?!” Yellow Diamond clenched her fist and electricity started buzzing around it. Pearl glanced and Yellow Pearl again. Yellow was looking at her diamond in confusion, her hands out in exasperation. Yellow Diamond’s fist started shaking and the electricity intensified.

“MY DIAMOND!” Yellow Pearl yelled as she materialized a dark sphere from her gem and threw it as high as she could. Yellow Diamond turned around and released the attack on the sphere.

One stray lightning bolt shot straight towards Pearl. She collapsed to the floor to avoid it, barely in time. The wall shook behind her and Pearl felt a few pebbles fall on her. She looked up and saw a smoking hole where her gem had been only seconds before.

Yellow Pearl stood in the normal stance and said. “That was amazing my diamond. I don’t believe you have ever pulverized sphere quite so thoroughly before. Your power truly is a marvel.”

Yellow Diamond sighed and put her hands behind her back. “Chatty as you are, you do know how to calm me Pearl.”

Yellow Pearl smiled from ear to ear. “Thank you, my diamond.”

Yellow Diamond looked at Pearl again. Pearl scrambled to her feet and stood at attention. “As for you,” her eyes narrowed, “perhaps you may be of some use to us yet. Out diamond certainly seems to believe so. If you dare to cross us again though, I will not take kindly to it _at all_. I don’t have the time now, but one day, you will also tell me what happened when Pink Diamond was shattered. You _were_ there after all.”

Pearl’s hands covered her mouth and then she lowered them back to a salute. “Y-yes, your radiance.”

Yellow Diamond looked at her pearl again. “Clean up this mess and then join me on the ship. That will be all.” She clapped twice and walked away.

Once Yellow Diamond was gone Yellow Pearl took in a deep breath and ran over. “Oh my stars!” She looked at the crater in the wall and then at Pearl. “Oh I thought you were a goner for sure. I can’t believe this. I swear she didn’t really mean it, she just got a little carried away. Please don’t tell your diamond. Please!” Yellow Pearl grabbed both of Pearl’s arms.

“Uh, well, it’s not like she actually damaged me, and she really wasn’t trying anything that bad…” they both looked at the hole again and Pearl sighed, “okay, well, she almost shattered me, but she didn’t, she didn’t. So I see no reason to volunteer the information at least.”

“Right, your diamond can just force you to tell her can’t she?”

“Well, yes, but I don’t see why she would think to ask so it should be no problem at all.” Pearl smiled.

“Thank you.” Yellow Pearl hugged Pearl.

Pearl stiffened at the contact. It was a very odd thing. Rubies and quartzes were all prone to comradery through physical contact, but pearls, pearls were not. It had taken Pearl some time to get used to such gestures as the rebellion had grown. Maybe Yellow was a little more unusual than Pearl had given her credit.

Yellow pushed away, blushing. She stood at attention and cleared her throat, “I mean, I sincerely appreciate it Pearl.”

“Think nothing of it Yellow, us pearls have to stick together after all.” Pearl smiled and place a hand on Yellow’s shoulder.

Yellow nodded, “I should get going, my diamond is waiting,” she gathered what little debris was left from the sphere and stored it into her gem, “I look forward to the next time our diamonds meet Pearl.” Then she left as well, leaving Pearl alone.

The quiet stillness became suffocating as a tidal wave of emotions crashed over Pearl. She looked at the hole in the wall and greeted her teeth. She was angry. Angry she was letting herself be ruled by fear again.

She clutched at the diamond symbol on her shirt. “Why? Why should we have to live like this? Why should,” Pearl started crying and hit the well.

Pearl kept speaking her thoughts out loud as she often did when distressed. “I am my own Gem. I still have some control.”

“I wonder how far I could get?” Pearl looked down the corridor that led to the docks. “I could easily steal a ship. What if I did get away? Where would I even go? I can’t go home and risk White’s wrath on the others. But staying here is just…” she took a few steps towards the docks.

The door to the hallway and White’s throne room opened again. White Diamond’s will wrapped around Pearl’s again and she gasped and froze. “No, dammit, I took too long.”

“Pearl, return to my side.”

Pearl shuddered for a moment, trying to keep walking towards the docks, but it was futile. Pearl turned to the hallway instead and started heading back to the throne room. For a second Pearl felt like all of the walls eyes were on her, but when she glanced at them they were staring straight forwards as usual.

“Hold Pearl,” White spoke as Pearl reached the entrance. “Wait there one moment.”

“Yes my diamond.” Pearl responded and faced the other door again.

Out of curiosity, Pearl glanced to see what White Diamond was working on. She saw the Earth and The Cluster on White’s screen, but she was too far to make out the surrounding data. Pearl saw White Diamond starting to look at her and quickly turned away. 

Fear turned her stomach and froze her to the spot. Had White seen her looking? Had she turned away in time? Today was not Pearl’s day.

A moment passed and then White Diamond commanded Pearl into the room. Pearl took her place at White’s side and stood at attention. White Diamond placed her open hand, palm up, on the floor next to Pearl. “Come here Pearl.”

Pearl shook a little. _You’re fine, it’s fine. This doesn’t necessarily mean she saw you. Play it straight_. Pearl stepped onto White’s palm and was lifted so she was directly in front of White about chest level. White’s gaze was intense, analyzing Pearl’s every move.

“Did you see what was on my console right now Pearl?” White asked.

It took every shred of Pearl’s remaining will not to flinch. Instead, she clasped her hands in front of her and responded. “I apologize my Diamond, you will have to bring the information up again, I was not aware that you had wanted my analysis on anything.”

White Diamond sighed, “Tsk, tsk, tsk, and you were doing so well. These past days with you at my side, not a single problem. But now you’ve just lied to me.”

She brought the image of The Cluster back up, “Do you know what this is Pearl?”

Pearl’s head started to ache as White began forcing the information out of her, “I-it’s a geo-weapon at the center of the Earth, made from- ugh – from the artificial fusion of gem shards, and it’s called The Cluster.”

White smirked, “How unexpected. How do you know so much about this geo-weapon Pearl?”

Pearl refused to speak. Her head started pounding.

“Pearl, you’re only making this harder on yourself. How do you know so much about The Cluster?”

Pearl staggered backwards and felt White’s fingers on her back. White had raised them as a wall and Pearl hadn’t noticed. White lifted Pearl so she was level with White’s eyes and her diamond glowed.

“Pearl, you are to tell me about The Cluster, NOW!”

Pearl cried out, her head felt like it was going to explode, but she covered her mouth. White Diamond brought her thumb to Pearl’s chest and began crushing the much smaller gem. Pearl moved her hands to White’s thumb, struggling in vein to stop the giant from pressing into her chest. 

The physical pain made it impossible for Pearl to focus on keeping White from dragging the information out. “Agh! P-Peridot told us! And we made a drill to take us to The Cluster. Urgh, agh, ahhhh!” Pearl started shaking and closed her eyes since everything had started spinning. “Steven convinced the shards to bubble each other instead of forming, so The Cluster will never destroy the Earth!”

White Diamond released Pearl. Pearl collapsed into White’s palm. Her ears were ringing, and her body twitched. Pearl opened her eyes, things were blurry and still spinning, but she forced herself into a sitting position.

“How amusing,” White Diamond frowned, “You Earthers are backwards in your thinking, but certainly full of challenges and surprises.”

Pearl was looking down as things came into focus. Just out of the corner of her eye, she could see something else on White’s screen. 

Pearl saw the shards by Pink Diamond’s Palanquin Homeworld had collected. They looked like they had been pieced back together and then placed back into the ground. Pearl couldn’t tell where though, or why. A shattered gem was shattered for good and those shards were useless.

“Hmm,” White Diamond moved her hand so Pearl was level with her chest again, “I believe you have made a misstep today Pearl. But I don’t want it to de-rail such leaps of progress. I have no choice but to erase this memory from your mind.”

Pearl tried to scramble away, but her legs were still weak and her head unstable, “No, wait, please my diamond, it won’t happen again, I-”

White placed her index finger on Pearl’s forehead and all Pearl could do was scream in agony as she tore through Pearl’s mind.


	9. Breath of Fresh Air

Pearl shot up to a sitting position with a gasp and her projection cut to static. Garnet realized she had become so angry she had summoned her gauntlets so she quickly stored them and took in a deep breath to calm herself. Amethyst, Steven and Sheena were all crying. Peridot was frozen in shock with her mouth open.

Pearl grabbed her head in pain and stopped her projection. “Agh, what was I projecting? Why are you all crying?” She moved her feet off the couch and onto the floor, still clutching her head.

Sheena placed her hand on Pearl’s knee and wiped away tears with her other hand as she said. “Easy Pearl, take it slow.”

Steven walked over. “Here, maybe this will help.” He kissed Pearl’s gem and it sparkled briefly.

“Oh,” Pearl sighed, “thank you Steven, that actually is a lot better.” She gasped again and jumped to her feet. “I told White Diamond about The Cluster!”

Sheena stood up and put her hand on Pearl’s back to steady her. Garnet saw panic taking hold of Pearl. Garnet walked over to her, placed her hands on her shoulders and kept her voice calm. “We saw, you projected the memory. You did well Pearl.”

“Well? How? I’ve put the entire planet at risk.” Pearl exclaimed.

Garnet felt Pearl wobble a little. “It’s okay Pearl,” she kept a firm grip on Pearl, “we knew sooner or later that Homeworld would figure out that The Cluster wasn’t emerging, but not exactly when. Now we know and can prepare for it. Plus, since you were never supposed to remember that exchange, we have the advantage.”

Pearl’s brow furrowed and then she closed her eyes and calmed herself. “Right, I may not have been able to stop my - White Diamond - from getting information out of me, but we can still turn it into an advantage.”

Pearl looked past Garnet at Peridot who was still stunned in silence. “I am sorry Peridot. I really did try to not mention you.”

Peridot shook her head. “Don’t worry about that in the slightest. We all saw how much effort you put in, and it’s not like going home was an option for me before now. What I’m in shock about is that last bit you saw.”

Pearl shook her head. “Oh, nothing to worry about.”

Garnet turned to Peridot as well, keeping one hand on Pearl. “I was also wondering what they could be trying to accomplish with Pink Diamond’s shards. We know they have been experimenting with artificial gem shard fusion, but that looked completely different.”

“I don’t know.” Peridot started pacing. “There were elements I’ve never even seen incorporated in between the shards. Why does White Diamond even have her shards though, didn’t your leader shatter her?”

Pearl’s hands clasped her mouth. Garnet noted the movement and how involuntary it seemed. It wasn’t the first time she had seen Pearl clamp up when Pink Diamond being shattered was discussed. She decided to analyze it later.

Garnet felt Pearl was still shaky on her feet. Garnet didn’t think Pearl looked fearful though, but she did look exhausted. 

“Rose shattered her, but we weren’t able to retrieve the shards. That isn’t our primary focus right now though. Amethyst, Peridot, let’s go check on The Cluster.”

Garnet turned back to Pearl. “Alright, Pearl, stay here and rest. Steven, make sure she relaxes, she deserves it.” Reluctantly Garnet let Pearl go and started walking to the Warp Pad.

“I’m on it!” Steven replied.

“Wait, but shouldn’t I come too?” Pearl tried to step forward and lost her balance.

Sheena supported her and led her back to the couch. “I think Garnet is right about you needing rest.”

Pearl blushed. “I didn’t notice how mentally exhausted I was. Guess recalling a supposed erased memory took more out of me than I thought.”

“That’s okay.” Steven jumped on the couch and gave her a bear hug. “Now it means we can play more games together.” He settled on the couch next to her.

“For now it’s safer too Pearl.” Garnet crossed her arms so she wouldn’t clench her fists. “If we do find signs of activity and our presence is made known to the diamonds, White Diamond would learn that you are functional again. I for one, prefer you as far away from that monster as we can manage.”

Pearl visibly flinched when Garnet said White Diamond, so Sheena grabbed her hand.

“R-right, I hadn’t thought about that.” Pearl clasped Sheena’s hand with both of hers. “I honestly don’t know what she would do if she found out. I always thought she would just try to shatter me if we ever crossed paths after the rebellion. Now though..”

Pearl let go of Sheena and started to stiffen up.

“Hey, stop thinking about it Pearl, we’re losing you.” Sheena placed her hand on Pearl’s face and moved her head so Pearl was looking at her.

Pearl grabbed Sheena’s hand again. “Sorry, just, what if White Diamond tries to take me again?”

“Then we’ll pummel her.” Garnet said matter-of-factly. She added after moving one hand to her hip and holding Sapphire’s gem out. “And that’s not just my Ruby side showing, Sapphire wants to kick her butt too.”

“Yeah!” Amethyst jumped down from the counter and cracked her knuckles. “And I’ll help.”

“I’ll also assist with my metal powers!” Peridot strained and lifted a fork out of the sink and spinning it around.

“Group hug!” Steven shouted and hugged Pearl again. Sheena joined the hug. Garnet walked over and squeezed all of them. “Group hug.”

“More like dog pile!” Amethyst transformed into a dog and jumped onto the back of the couch so she could rest her chin on Pearl’s head.

“I will also participate in this pile of the dogs!” Peridot jumped onto Garnet’s back so Garnet scooped her into the hug.

“Crystal Gems forever!” Steven said and we all laughed.

Pearl laughed harder and said. “It’s good to be home.”

Garnet gave everyone another squeeze and then let go. “Alright Gems, let’s move out. We do need the status of The Cluster.”

Once the other Gems had left Steven asked Pearl what game she wanted to play.

Pearl lightly touched her gem. “I’m not sure Steven, my head feels a little off still. Like when I overwork my body and everything is hard to move and sore except it’s just...my thoughts and this dull pain in my head around my gem?”

“Oh, like you’re tired and have a headache?” Steven asked.

“Is that what it’s like? Gems don’t need sleep though.”

Sheena shifted so she could look at Pearl’s gem and confirm it wasn’t damaged. “Has any Gem ever remembered something White Diamond tried to erase before?”

“Well...no. Not that I am aware of at least.” Pearl leaned against Sheena.

Steven shrugged. “Maybe recalling what happened just overworked your mind then? Why don’t you try sleeping, you seemed to be getting the hang of it.”

Pearl shifted uneasily. “I don’t know Steven, my dreams can be… unpleasant. Plus I have a tendency to project them.”

“How about you at least lay down and close your eyes. Here,” Sheena grabbed a pillow and placed it on her lap, “whenever I get a headache I always make tea and lay down so my head is elevated a little.”

Steven jumped off the couch so Pearl could lay down. “Yeah Pearl, relax. Garnet said so right?”

Pearl hesitated but ended up laying down and placing her head on the pillow. Sheena laid one hand on Pearl’s chest and the other she ran through Pearl’s hair, rubbing soothing circles to help with the headache. “This way too, if you do fall asleep and start having a nightmare, Steven and I will be able to wake you up quickly.”

Steven sat on the floor and leaned against the couch. Pearl placed her hand on top of his head and then her arm dangle over his shoulder. Pearl sighed in content. “Thanks you two.” She chuckled. “I suppose it’s kind of nice to let someone…take care of me and help.”

Steven smiled. “You take care of me all the time Pearl, I’m more than happy to return the favor.” He tried to relax too, but he had so many different questions burning in his brain. And his feelings. He was sad, and curious…and angry.

“What’s wrong Steven?” Pearl asked.

Steven blushed. “Oh sorry, I just…I can’t help but think about all the questions I have after seeing…what happened before we were able to get you.”

“Well, ask away.” Pearl lightly squeezed Steven’s shoulder.

Steven looked up at her. “What? No, no, I can’t do that. You’re supposed to be relaxing.”

Pearl frowned, then sighed and relaxed. “It’s okay Steven, honestly…I could use to talk about it too.”

Steven stared at Pearl for a bit. Her eyes were still closed and she was relaxing more and more as Sheena continued to run her fingers through Pearl’s hair.

Steven looked back down at the floor. “Um…was that how you were always treated when you served White Diamond? Was that what your life was like before you came to Earth?”

“Not quite to that level all the time…but sometimes. White Diamond always told me that her ultimate goal was to create perfection, but she knew it was impossible to achieve, so the key was finding the balance between seeking perfection and tolerating imperfection. She believed an ultimate goal should never be achievable so there was always something to work for. For the longest time, that seemed wise to me, and, well, I just accepted that I deserved the punishments I received when I did make a mistake.”

Pearl sighed. “I would observe small mistakes the other diamond pearls would make and how different the consequences were for them, and it made me question that idea a little, but living under White Diamond was the only things I ever knew at that point.”

“So the other diamonds are different? Yellow Diamond still seemed awful. What she said about wanting to destroy the Earth, how she almost shattered you…seems pretty bad to me.”

Pearl sighed. “I don’t know Steven. Homeworld…has a lot of bad things built into it, and the Diamond Authority’s rule is very unfair and often cruel. It’s why the rebellion grew the way it did. They believe they are doing the right thing though, not that it is justification for their actions. I will say that Yellow Diamond was…different before the Gem War. Blue Diamond changed too from the sounds of it. When I was still loyal she didn’t have such an uncontrollable rage, and she certainly wouldn’t have almost harmed her pearl or shattered me.”

Steven held Pearl’s hand. The Gem War, he knew it was this huge complicated thing that was hard to talk about and he wanted to understand it, but it was also just too much. He never thought about how it would have changed Homeworld Gems too outside of being sad that Pink Diamond was gone.

Steven frowned. He had too many questions about the war and couldn’t pick one so he asked another question. “I noticed instead of calling each other by your cut, like facet 21 G or whatever Yellow Pearl just called you Pearl and you called her Yellow. Is that just a diamond pearl thing?”

“Um, yes, and no. Pearls never refer to each other by their cut code. We aren’t considered our own gems, but as… well, as property. Also, pearls are rarely made in large batches since we are made for a specific gem. Whenever there are multiple pearls waiting, whoever’s owner has the highest ranking is Pearl and everyone else is referred to by who owns them. With the diamond pearls it was a little different, I of course was Pearl, and the others were just referred to by color. But if I was with a Sapphire’s pearl, she would address me as Pearl and I would call her Sapphire’s.”

Sheena frowned. “That’s horrible.”

“In Earth terms, yes. Gems are so entrenched in the caste system though that we rarely question it. To us, we just assume that things are the way they are because it is true that certain gems are just inherently better than others are. Pearls are servants because that is what we are made for, quartz gems are perfect soldiers, rubies the perfect guards, and diamonds the perfect leaders. It wasn’t seen as personal, just fact.”

“So,” Steven squeezed Pearl’s hand, “was White Diamond always in your mind before you rebelled? Is that why you didn’t try to leave? Like how hard it was for you to even consider escaping this recent time?”

Pearl took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. “No. I used to take pride in being White Diamond’s pearl. For a pearl, it was the highest ranking any of us could ever hope to be. I gave her very little reason to enter my mind and control me. The only time she would was when I heard something she didn’t want me to remember or when I tried to cover up a mistake. She wasn’t there constantly wrapped around my will like this time. I missed that chance to escape because she was in my head so much, like I was stuck in a web. Before, escape honestly just never occurred to me because I never imagined I could function on my own.”

“I’m glad you’re here with us Pearl. I can’t imagine growing up without you.” Steven wiped away tears from his eyes.

Pearl squeezed Steven’s hand, “Thank you Steven, I can’t… imagine…” her hand relaxed and her breathing steadied.

Steven tensed, worried Pearl had gotten trapped in her head. He looked up and then smiled and relaxed, realizing Pearl had just fallen asleep.

Steven also noticed Sheena still seemed really worried. “Are you okay Sheena?”

She bit her lower lip. “I’m just…processing everything. It’s a lot and there is so much I can’t do anything about.”

Steven sighed. “Yeah, I feel like that too. There’s a lot of Gem stuff that makes me feel like that honestly. But you’re doing so much just being here for her. I mean, you helped her first break out of the barrier in her head even.”

Sheena looked surprised. “Th-thanks, it’s the least I can do.”

For the next hour or so they sat in silence, thinking and letting Pearl sleep. The other Gems returned and Steven gently moved out from Pearl’s arm and walked over to them to make sure they were quiet.

“Pearl’s asleep.” Steven whispered. “How is The Cluster?”

“No signs of tampering.” Peridot replied at a normal volume.

“Shhh, don’t be so loud Peridot.” Steven placed a finger to his mouth and looked back to confirm Pearl was still asleep.

“Oh,” Peridot spoke softer. “Sorry, but The Cluster appears to be secure.”

“We do appear to be safe for now.” Garnet whispered. “We’ll continue double-checking the Kindergarten tomorrow.”

Peridot nodded. “If we’re done then I think I’m going to go check on my garden.”

“In the dark?” Steven asked. “The sun’s about to go down.”

Peridot raised an eyebrow. “Steven plants grow at all hours, they don’t need this sleep you and apparently Pearl require.”

Steven tried to think of a response, but she wasn’t technically wrong so he just nodded. Garnet and Amethyst both stepped off the Warp Pad and Garnet told Peridot when to meet them at The Kindergarten after their break. Peridot nodded and warped away.

The sound of the warp a second time woke Pearl up. She smiled at Sheena and slowly sat up. 

Sheena moved her hand to Pearl’s back. “You can go back to sleep if you need.”

Pearl stretched. “I think I’m okay.” She looked outside. “Oh, it’s almost dark out. How long was I asleep?”

“Not too long.” Steven walked over to Pearl. “Only like an hour and a half. Does your head feel any better?

Pearl nodded. “Yes, quite a bit, sleeping was a good idea Steven.” She looked at the other Gems. “How was The Cluster?”

“No signs any Gem has been monitoring it or trying to release it from the bubble.” Garnet replied.

“For now at least.” Pearl clasped her hands together. “What’s the plan from here?”

“For tonight,” Amethyst stretched and plopped onto the couch next to Pearl, “absolutely nothing P. We’ve all done our fair share today.”

Pearl smiled and placed a hand on Amethyst’s shoulder. “It did turn into an eventful day didn’t it?”

Sheena stood up and placed a hand on Steven’s shoulder. “Hey Steven, I have to go home and finish packing before heading out for the week, keep an eye on Pearl for me until I get back will ya? She seems a little stubborn.” Sheena winked at Pearl, who smiled and rolled her eyes.

Steven chuckled and nodded. “I promise.” Steven hugged Sheena. Sheena was surprised and froze at first, but then grinned and hugged him back.

Steven looked at Pearl as he let go of Sheena. Pearl was smiling ear to ear and Amethyst was silently chuckling at Pearl’s reaction.

“Oh,” Pearl stood up as Sheena started walking towards the door, “before you go, um,” she glanced nervously at Steven and held her hands together so she wouldn’t fidget. Then looked at Sheena again, “could we talk outside real quick?”

Steven was confused for a moment and then remembered the earlier conversation when the two of them were returning from the Big Donut. Excitement replaced confusion.

“Sure.” Sheena grabbed her helmet and walked out to the porch, Pearl following.

“Amethyst, Amethyst, Amethyst,” Steven said as quietly as he could with how excited he was.

“What is it Steve-o?” Amethyst asked.

“I think Pearl’s going to ask her out.” Steven’s face hurt a little from how big he was smiling.

“Wait, they aren’t officially dating yet?”

Steven shook his head.

Amethyst’s eyes twinkled and she jumped off the couch. “What are we waiting for then, let’s spy on them.”

Garnet cleared her throat. “We should probably give them some privacy…but then again, we used to spy on Rose and Greg, so it’s only fair.” She grinned and gave a thumbs up.

The three rushed to the window. Steven silently cracked the window open just a little bit so they could hear. Garnet crouched down next to Amethyst as he slowly lifted a slat in the shades so they could all see.

“Sheena,” Pearl leaned over the railing, “I’ve been thinking, and I’ve really enjoyed getting close with you but…maybe we’re moving too fast. I…” Pearl sighed. “I’ve never really gotten a handle on how to live for myself. I’m just drawn to trying to define myself through someone else. Even when I’m being selfish, some part of me feels like it doesn’t matter because I don’t see how I can impact anyone else in a meaningful way, despite seeing the consequences of my mistakes that show the contrary.”

Pearl shook her head, embarrassed that she was rambling. “I guess maybe, I keep trying to find someone to complete me instead of just trying to complete myself...and I don’t want to make that mistake with you. I, I don’t want to use you like that.”

To Pearl’s surprise Sheena smiled. Sheena ran her hand through her hair. “Honestly, I’ve been kind of getting overwhelmed. The whole intergalactic mind controlling tyrant trying to enslave you, the fate of the Earth on the team’s shoulders… it’s a lot. I know it’s not fair to let that get to me, because it’s not like you asked for any of it, but it still isn’t easy.”

Sheena looked at Pearl and then looked away. “I’m still trying to cope with my own past too I guess. I certainly understand the feeling of trying to…complete myself through someone else. Sometimes I feel like half a person, hell I was pretty much raised to feel that way to be honest. As a kid media was always giving the message that as woman you have to find a man and fall in love and you’ll complete each other and that will be your happily ever after.”

Sheena reigned herself in before getting off topic with a rant. “Reality hasn’t been like that though. I still tried to find completion through someone else though. So much I ended up trapping myself in a brutal, unhealthy relationship because I didn’t think I knew how to live alone. I finally got away from him and I think real relationships, ones that last, aren’t two halves making one whole, but two wholes making a bigger, different whole? That doesn’t make sense does it?” Sheena blushed.

Pearl smiled. “Makes perfect sense to me.”

The two looked at each other.

Sheena said. “I still want to see you though. I still want to be with you.”

Pearl teared up a little. “Me too. Think it’s possible for half a gem and half a human to adventure together to complete themselves and then maybe… fuse into something more?”

Sheena grinned. “I don’t know if it works like that but…I would be willing to give it a shot.”

“What if we end up making the same mistakes again? Relying on each other to feel complete?” Pearl almost whispered.

Sheena looked away again at the setting sun. “I suppose that is possible. A risk we have to be aware of.”

Pearl gave a heavy sigh and put her face in her hands, then dropped them onto the railing again. “Why are the things that matter the most so complicated?”

“ _Because_ they matter the most.” Sheena replied.

Pearl chuckled. “What a mess. I don’t how to proceed.”

“What if,” Sheena shifted her weight from one leg to the other, “What if this week while I’m on the road we give each other some space? Really think about things?”

“Well,” Pearl worried her bottom lip a little, “I’d be lying if I said I would like that, but I do think it would be prudent.”

Sheena nodded. “I guess I’ll get going then.” She reached out and held Pearl’s hand. “I’ll see you in a week.”

Pearl squeezed her hand before and let go. “One week. I do hope work goes well for you, sounds like it’s really important.”

“Thank you.” Sheena smiled and left.

Pearl stayed glued to the spot. She was calm but distraught, happy but sad. She wanted to run after Sheena and not move at all. She felt everything and nothing at the same time.

Sheena came running back up the stairs and yelled. “Screw being prudent!” She blushed. “The way I feel with you, it's different than anyone else I've been with. And I’m different, and we both know we want to better ourselves, and I look forward to watching you grow and having you by my side as I grow too! I don’t want you to complete me, and you don’t want me to complete you, but that doesn’t mean we can’t support each other while we figure ourselves out. Yeah, sometimes all this Homeworld Gem stuff is going to overwhelm me, but I’ll find a balance because I want to be here for you and I don’t want you to have to suffer through all this mess on your own. And yeah, maybe we’re still gonna make the same mistakes sometime, but we’re both conscious of trying to avoid them. I don’t want to repeat the past, but I also don’t want the past to stop me from exploring the future!”

Both Sheena and Pearl teared up. On an impulse, Pearl brought Sheena close and gave her a kiss; Sheena held Pearl tight and kissed her back.

They remained in each other’s arms. Sheena chuckled. “So what’s the plan now?”

Pearl grinned. “New Pearl, no plan.”

Sheena laughed, spun Pearl away from her, brought her back, quickly dipped Pearl and then brought her back close. Pearl smiled. “That was a surprise.”

“I’ve been practicing. That’s probably the most graceful I’ll ever be so don’t get your hopes up too much.”

Pearl laughed as well. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“So,” Sheena blushed again, “think you wanna put up with my crazy and be my girlfriend?”

Pearl blushed back. “I would love to, as long as you mind putting up with my, uh, crazy too.”

They were going to kiss again but Amethyst suddenly hollered from inside. “Woooooooo go P. go S.!”

“Amethyst shhh!” Steven shushed Amethyst urgently as he let go of the blind the three of them inside were peeking through.

Sheena mused. “I guess privacy is a little hard to get around here huh?” Sheena moved to Pearl’s side and kept one arm wrapped around her waist.

Pearl nodded. “Yes, but, they mean well. You three might as well come out, we know you’re there.”

Amethyst slammed the door open and was cheering. “Yeah P.! Gee you gave us a scare there, I was like noooo! Don’t let her get away!”

Steven came over and hugged both Sheena and Pearl.

Garnet leaned against the open doorway, grinning. “I wasn’t worried for a second; I knew things would work out.” She pulled her glasses down to show her third eye and blinked.

Amethyst rolled her eyes. “Oh whatever miss,” she transformed into Garnet and imitated her voice, “hold on, I see two likely possibilities, let’s give things a moment to see which one happens.”

Garnet gently punched Amethyst’s arm. “Eh, I was rooting for the scenario of Sheena running back up the stairs though.”

Amethyst changed back into herself.

Pearl started crying even though she was smiling and felt at peace.

Steven let go of the hug. “Pearl? What’s wrong?”

Pearl wiped her tears away. “Absolutely nothing. I don’t know why I’m crying. I’m just,” she gave a single quick laugh and started crying harder, “I’m just so happy to be home with all of you.”

Sheena wrapped both arms around Pearl and kissed her cheek. “We’re happy your back.”

“Aw P. stop crying.” Amethyst started tearing up a little and hid it. “Ugh, fine, if you’re gonna be all sappy then you know what? Group hug take two!” She grabbed Steven and squished him into a hug with Pearl and Sheena.

“Woo! Group hug take two!” Steven cheered.

Garnet wrapped her arms around Sheena and Pearl and squeezed all of them close together. “Group hug take two.

Pearl squeezed Garnet and Sheens and looked down at Steven and Amethyst. She closed her eyes and sighed, thinking how she never wanted to let go.


	10. Just Roll with It

The rest of the night was spent in the living room, chatting about lots of things as if everything was normal. Amethyst was uneasy. Things weren’t normal. And she didn’t know what to do about it. She wanted to enjoy the moment and relax while there was a chance to though. She never really had a hard time with that until all this Homeworld stuff started happening.

Amethyst kept looking at Pearl. She was happy she saw Pearl smiling and talking with her hands again. She was happy that Pearl didn’t go all machine like again as well. Then Amethyst would see something else when Pearl thought no one was looking, like she was still far away.

Amethyst felt a different distance between them. She felt it with Garnet and Pearl frequently, and even Rose. She had always lived on Earth, and it had been after the war. She didn’t know what living in Gem society and being under a diamond was like.

Rose always told her this was a good thing, that it meant she always had the chance to be whoever she was and do whatever she wanted and that was a beautiful gift. That would make Amethyst feel special in a way, but also...different than her fellow Gems. A difference that had strengthened the bond between her and Steven. Right now though, she just wanted to be the same so she could relate and not feel so useless.

Steven kept falling asleep so Pearl carried him upstairs and tucked him into bed. Garnet retreated to her room so she could focus her Future Vision. Pearl turned out the lights so Steven could sleep and then slipped outside.

Amethyst followed her. Pearl was leaning against the railing looking out at the ocean and the stars. Amethyst hopped up on the railing and sat on it. “Hey there Pierogi, whatcha thinking about?”

“Oh, you know me,” Pearl grinned, “a million things at once and nothing particular at the same time.” Pearl looked away from Amethyst.

Amethyst frowned, seeing signs that Pearl may start to cry but was hiding it. She tried to think of something Steven would say to Pearl, something to cheer her up or a question to distract her.

“Amethyst,” Pearl turned her head back, eyes glimmering with excitement, “let’s go do something!” She straightened up.

“Uhh, okay,” Amethyst raised an eyebrow, “what do you wanna do?”

“I don’t know, whatever you usually do when you go out at night. Except wrestling, not really in the mood for that.”

Amethyst grinned. “There’s not a match tonight anyway. What’s this sudden impulsive side about?”

Pearl shrugged and frowned. “I just, I don’t know, I want to do something different and unexpected, something I usually wouldn’t do. Something spontaneous.”

Amethyst winked and snapped her fingers at Pearl. “I got you. Spontaneity is my middle name. What are the ground rules, besides no wrestling?”

“Er, none? Just play it by ear?” Pearl weakly smiled.

Amethyst felt a rush of excitement, she may not know how to handle all the Homeworld stuff, but  _ this _ she had down. Plus, she loved when Pearl surprised her. Amethyst squealed. “This is gonna be awesome!”

Pearl shushed Amethyst. “Not so loud, you’re going to wake up Steven.” 

Amethyst pulled Pearl close and whispered. “Alright, let’s get operation: Just Roll with It going. It’s gonna be so cool.”

Pearl awkwardly winked and tried to snap her fingers in imitation of Amethyst. “I will certainly do my best to be  _ cool _ .”

Amethyst chuckled, grabbed Pearl’s hand, and tugged her to the Warp Pad. Amethyst stood and pondered for a moment, trying to figure out what would be the best thing for the night. She smiled when an idea hit her and warped to the small town Rodrigo and Hank lived in. She didn’t know the name of the place, but she loved it. Hank said it was the “epitome of a small town in the Rust Belt” but she never really asked for details on what that meant.

“Oh, Pearl looked anxiously at the faint light of the town through the forest trees, “a human city. Should I hide my gem so we don’t attract too much attention?”

Amethyst shrugged. “You can do that whole bangs over your gem thing you used to if you want, but I doubt we’ll run into anyone who cares. I mean, I’m purple and no one has even bat an eye or questioned it.”

Pearl looked around again with one hand to her gem, then let her hand fall to her side and smiled. “Okay, I’ll just be myself.”

Amethyst quickly turned around to hide her face flushing from excitement. She was so used to the others being cautious or even flat out unsupportive about interacting with humans it floored her that Pearl was actually rolling with it. Reflexively Amethyst felt the urge to tease Pearl and draw attention away from how happy she truly was, but she really didn’t want to start a fight.

Doubt crept into Amethyst’s thoughts as she lead Pearl into town. Why  _ was _ Pearl going along with this? Why  _ did _ Pearl want to be impulsive and spontaneous suddenly? Was she just desperately trying to escape thinking about White Diamond? Was this all going to end in a huge mess?

Pearl on the other hand was very engrossed in the town and kept pointing things out that she found interesting: all of the things dedicated to the miners from when the mines were open, how mining still seemed to be held in high esteem despite the damage from sinkholes the industry caused, the names of some of the local shops, how many buildings and houses were vacant. Pearl almost looked like she was glowing as she allowed herself to become fully immersed in the atmosphere and the here and now.

Amethyst shook her head, no way was she gonna let Pearl be more in the moment than her. Amethyst shoved her doubts away and relaxed.

“Alright, so first stop has to be to get some snackers. I know, I know, eating typically isn’t your thing-” Amethyst started.

“I’ll give it a try.” Pearl interrupted, her voice and face determined. “It has been a while, maybe I’ll find something about it I like this time.”

Amethyst laughed. “Alrighty then, I know the perfect place. And I promise, it will not be like that time when Steven was younger and he thought because I liked a burrito with beans, pickles, ice cream, and anchovies that you would too.”

Pearl shuddered at that memory. Steven was only seven and had been so proud of his “gourmet” creation Pearl hadn’t had the heart to refuse trying it; she had managed to swallow the bite she took and pretend for a moment that she enjoyed before quickly rushing out of the car wash break room and vomiting in the bushes outside.

Amethyst led Pearl to the convenience store Rodrigo worked out, which was one of the few places still open. 

“Hey Rodrigo!” Amethyst yelled as she walked in.

The red haired human was slumped across the counter, wearing his typical leather jacket over his uniform shirt and name tag. He sounded tired but smiled. “Hey Ams, been a little bit.”

Amethyst sat on the counter. “Why so glum? Usually you’re like bouncing off the walls and going stir crazy when your shift here is close to being done.”

Rodrigo shrugged. “Just stuff. Hank and I got into an argument earlier. And like, he’s right, and I know it, but also I’ve gotta be me ya know?”

“Uhh, totally?” Amethyst replied, distracted by watching Pearl and trying not to snicker at her reactions.

Pearl looked at all the advertisements, drawn by the vibrant colors and odd slogans, trying to understand them. Confounded, Pearl started looking at the various snacks, car and household items, and souvenirs the store sold. Pearl was startled and jumped back a little when a motion-sensing toy started dancing and singing.

Rodrigo perked up, standing straighter and his green eyes glimmered. “Oh! It would have been so cool if you had been here earlier!” He grinned from ear to ear and started talking with very exaggerated gestures like he usually did. “It was soooooo slooow and I was boooored and then my friend Mary, she recently dropped out of college, came in and we shattered a bunch of light bulbs out back, just glass everywhere, and Mary was getting all focused so I tossed a bottle at her too and she fell right into the dumpster!”

Amethyst laughed. “Classic Rodrigo.

Pearl came over and leaned on the counter next to Amethyst, her hands changing positions several times since she didn’t know what to do with them until she clasped them together.

“Exactly!” Rodrigo leaned on Amethyst’s shoulder. “Buuuuut, Hank said I have to be careful. We’re trying to save up and move and I’m trying to be responsible, but like, sometimes I just have to cut loose and destroy stuff ya know? I don’t know what he sees in me, I mean, he’s all calm and collected and so smart, and I’m a hot mess, but, but, I don’t know, maybe I want to be better because of him? Or maybe it’s just because I want to be better and I have his support?”

Amethyst grinned. “That’s kinda funny cuz Hank once told me something similar about you. How you just go with the flow and find happiness in everything so he never understands what you see in some timid, calculated, tightwad like him.”

“He said that?” Rodrigo tilted his head.

“Well, not those  _ exact _ words, but in a nutshell.”

Rodrigo smiled. “Thanks.” He hugged Amethyst with one arm. “Oh yeah, I’m Rodrigo by the way.” He held his hand out to Pearl.

Pearl blushed and shook his hand. “Oh, uh, nice to meet you. I’m Pearl.”

“Cool, cool,” Rodrigo leaned against the counter again, “you another magical, alien, rock lady like Amethyst?”

“Hey now,” Amethyst lightly elbowed Rodrigo’s arm, “No one is quite like me. But yeah, Pearl is a Gem. Her gem is a different type and on her forehead though. Anyway, can we hang out with you and Hank tonight? Maybe watch that movie we never got to? I think Pearl and Hank would get along well, both are socially awkward, repressed nerds with a dark pass and all.”

Pearl blushed again. “I’m not  _ that _ socially awkward.”

Rodrigo laughed. “Oh man, she probably would get along with Hank perfectly since the only thing she argued about with that statement was the socially awkward part. Oh wait, you were the one in trouble right? Glad you’re okay, Ams here was really worried about you.”

Before Pearl could answered a flustered Amethyst spoke. “Oh- uh, yep, that, yeah, Pearl’s back now, that is the important thing. So yeah, we good to hang out with you and Hank tonight Rodrigo?”

“Oh right, can’t sorry.” Rodrigo answered. “We have to head out once my shift ends to deal with some family stuff.”

“Awww, lame, you two are  _ so _ domestic now.” Amethyst complained.

“I know!” Rodrigo waved his arms. “It’s horrible and amazing at the same time, isn't it? You two can have the pizza slices I’m supposed to throw out when I close up in a few minutes though if you want. I think I have a few other things too.”

“Hell ya Rodrigo, hook us up!” Amethyst hooted and pumped her fist in the air.

“Cool, cool, cool, I hate throwing all that food away.” He walked away to the ready-to-go food.

The door chime rang as a tall, chunky human with a darker complexion, even darker hair, and thick rectangular glasses walked in.

“Heeeeey, Hank in the house!” Amethyst cheered.

Hank adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat nervously. “H-hey there Amethyst.” He looked at Pearl and held out his hand. “Hello, are you another Gem?”

Pearl nodded and shook his hand. “Y-yes, I’m Pearl.”

“Pearl? How interesting.” Hank adjusted his tie and tucked it back under his sweater vest. “On Earth pearls are considered precious, but there is a lot of debate on whether they are gems or not since they are formed by organic means from the nacre of clams and several other bivalves and even a gastropod.”

Pearl shrugged. “Well, in Gem society pearls aren’t actually considered true Gems either, we’re more accessories slash servants.” She looked at her feet and then towards Amethyst, her eyes wide and cheeks blue again as she wondered why she just said that. “B-but on Earth I’m not expected to be any of that. It’s one of the reasons I chose to fight and stay here.”

“Oh gee,” Hank hid his face with a hand for a moment. “First thing out of my mouth and I managed to make things awkward.”

“Oh no, no,” Pearl waved her hands, “not at all. That was all me, sorry. I usually don’t mention that part about pearls and Homeworld, I have no idea why I said that. You just stated factually accurate information about pearls on  _ your _ home planet after all.”

Rodrigo and Amethyst laughed so hard they teared up a little. Amethyst grabbed the bag of snacks Rodrigo had brought back and jumped off the counter. She patted Pearl on the back. “Just have a knack for awkwardly connecting with wonder nerds no matter where you go doncha P.?”

“It, uh, is a talent of mine I suppose.” Pearl grinned, shaking off her nerves and falling into her classic legs crossed and hands out stance. Amethyst could tell from Pearl’s eyes she was still pretty embarrassed.

Amethyst rolled her eyes. “Sure, let’s call it that. C’mon, let’s get going. These two love birds have the whole being responsible adults thing to do and all.” She looked at Rodrigo and Hank. “We should totally all hang out sometime soon though.”

“We’ll be free Saturday night.” Hand offered. “Would that work?”

Amethyst shook her head so it wasn’t strongly side to side or up and down. “Should work, but we don’t exactly plan out our missions for a week like a work schedule or anything. As long as nothing major comes up, we’ll be around.”

Rodrigo started closing procedures. “If you two are in any trouble and we can help let us know. We may not be magical, but we can hold our own.”

“Actually,” Amethyst looked at Pearl, who gave her a confused raised eyebrow, “are there any good places to hide around here?”

Rodrigo lit up and stopped sweeping. “Oh! Tons! Like super tons! This is a great place to come if you wanna just disappear.” He put his hands straight up and the broom handle clattered to the tile floor. “We can give you a tour of all of the best spots on Saturday.”

Hank nodded and picked to broom up, handing it back to Rodrigo.

Amethyst gave a thumbs up and then pushed Pearl towards the door. “Perfect, and thanks for the snack hook-up Rodrigo!”

“Anytime!” He yelled back right as the door closed.

Pearl stared intently at Amethyst as they walked towards a nearby monument.

“What?” Amethyst made sure her hair was covering half of her face in response to Pearl’s gaze.

“I just,” Pearl paused a moment, “I guess I thought you always stayed around Beach City. It never dawned on me that you had other human friends outside of Vidalia and Greg. I think it’s a good thing though is all.” Pearl finally looked away. “So what do we have for ‘treaties,’ no, wait, what did you call them ‘snackers’ was it?”

“Oh yeah,” Amethyst looked in the bag. “We’ve got this thing called an egg roll, which is basically a fried pouch of like ground meat and cabbage, a hot dog, and three slices of pizza. What do you wanna try?” Amethyst led them over to a bench by a statue of a historical town figure and plopped onto it.

Pearl sat next to Amethyst on the bench and crossed her legs. “Hmmm, I suppose I’ll try the pizza. Steven seems to enjoy pizza quite a bit, so maybe if I like it I can join you all with eating it some time.”

Amethyst handed Pearl one of the triangular shaped boxes. “Sometimes I like to eat the cardboard too, but the pizza itself is definitely the better part.”

Pearl took the greasy sausage and pepperoni slice out of the box and glared at it. She took in a deep breath and looked much more like she was off to battle rather than eating as she took a huge chunk off. Pearl chewed it three times then shook her head and spat the bite out into the trash can. “Ugh, nope, that is still a hard no for me. Why do you like that sensation?”

Pearl handed the remainder of the pizza and the box back to Amethyst.

Amethyst chuckled and at the entire thing. “I don’t know, I just like mashing stuff up into little bits and letting it pass through my body so it comes out a completely different shape.”

Pearl shuddered. “Well, I’m glad you enjoy it at least.”

Amethyst hopped off the bench and shoved half the hot dog in her mouth. “C’mon, let’s keep going.”

Amethyst led Pearl to an abandoned building way on the outskirts of town. She wasn’t exactly sure what it had been when it was open, although she knew it was called a sanitarium. Now though, it was just filled with old memories and rubble, although part of the building was used by the city council to store stuff they weren’t sure to do with any more.

“What are we doing here?” Pearl asked as she clasped her arms around her torso.

“This is one of my favorite places. I like to try to make up stories behind all the stuff laying around, and check on my rat babies.”

“R-rat babies?”

“You’ll see.” Amethyst stopped at an old painting, a portrait of a middle-aged man in a lab coat with a monocle. “Oh yeah, check this dude out. I like to call him old Santi and pretend he ran the place, then one day his monocle went missing and he was never seen again, but he still watches everything that happens through the painting, frozen in time. What story would you give him?”

Pearl looked at the painting. “Oh, I don’t know Amethyst, I’m not creative like you are.”

“Pfft, whaaat? Of course you’re creative. You like, make machines, and blueprints, and inventions and shit.”

“Amethyst! Language.” Pearl gave the smaller Gem a side-glare.

“Oh please P., it’s not like Steven is around, and they’re just words. Besides, you said dammit in front of Steven this afternoon technically.”

“What? No I- oh! The projection of the memory! I said dammit when I didn’t escape. Oh gee,” she grabbed a clump of her hair, genuinely mad at herself for the slip of her tongue.

Amethyst smirked and rolled her eyes. “Don’t worry about it, Steven knows what cuss words are, Greg explained them. Steven just chooses not to use them because he worries about the people who find them rude. Besides, if I had been in that same situation I definitely would have used a much stronger word than dammit.”

Pearl frowned and then sighed and smiled again. “I suppose so.” She looked back at the painting. “Hm, well, I suppose he was the founder of this health facility but then lost funding so now the place is in ruins without his guidance?”

“Oh, health facility? Is that what a sanitarium is?”

“Yes, albeit a bit archaic in treatment by the looks of things. I believe the etymology of for sanitarium is rooted in the Latin word for health,  _ sanitas _ . What did you think it was?”

“Ohhh, that kinda makes this place a little creepy then. Oh well, still love it. I guessed maybe there was something sanitary about it when it was up and running but never gave it much thought outside of that ya nerd. Oh right, I was gonna show you my rat babies.”

Amethyst walked over to the section that had been transformed to store items for the city and bee-lined it to a bird shape float for a holiday parade. In the center of the float there was a giant tear in the fabric with a metallic rib sticking out.

Amethyst tore up one of the slices of pizza and threw it in. Nine rats started chowing down and happily squeaking. “Oh wow,” Amethyst grinned and looked at Pearl, “when I first started doing this there were only like two or three little guys. Guess they’re starting to take over.”

Pearl kept staring at Amethyst. 

Amethyst broke up the other piece of pizza for the rats and then ate the egg roll and tossed the bag.

“So you’ve been feeding them for a while?” Pearl asked.

Amethyst shrugged. “Yeah, since I found this place a few months ago.” 

“Why?” Pearl raised one eyebrow.

Amethyst blushed. “I don’t know, I just like how they’re living it up somewhere everyone else gave up on. Like, there’s value in everything, even the trash and the misfits, even the things other people have decided are worthless and thrown out.”

Pearl smiled and hugged Amethyst. “Thanks for showing me this place.”

“Alright, enough, what’s going on?” Amethyst shoved Pearl away, accidentally knocking Pearl onto her behind. “I mean, I’m glad you like this place and all, but I imagined you would mostly be grossed out and want to make everything clean and symmetrical.”

Pearl didn’t stand up as she looked around again. “It does bother me a little that things aren’t clean, but this is also exactly what I was looking for.”

“How is some crumbling, rat infested, abandoned building exactly what you were looking for? This is like, the exact opposite of a Pearl place!” Amethyst threw her hands up in exasperation.

Pearl looked up at the night sky through a gaping hole in the roof. “Exactly, it is the opposite of a place I would look for. I just realized I never fully explored the freedom this planet offers despite living here for thousands of years. After recent... _ events _ I figured it was time.”

Pearl looked back at Amethyst. “You’ve always lived here, and you’ve always been able to just go from moment to moment wherever the tide carries you. I just wanted to see what that’s like.” She pulled her knees to her chest. “I’m still fighting the feeling that I’m...worthless after what White did, and I wanted to make a decision to counter that.”

Amethyst felt that familiar distance shoving her away from the others, and anger boiled up. “You’re not the worthless one I am! And being more an Earthling than a Gem is exactly why! You’re right, I don’t know what it was like to live on Homeworld or be one of the diamond’s puppets! I don’t know what to expect as they try to destroy all the Gems and people I care about and destroy the only home I’ve ever known!” 

Amethyst felt tears burning down her face, she wiped them away and continued. “Maybe if I knew about Homeworld I would be more useful. Would be able to comfort you, plan for the oncoming attacks, anticipate Homeworld’s move...something. Something more than just be a guinea pig for Steven to test his mind powers. I mean Steven is a quartz too! And half human! Yet he has the bubble, the spikey bubble, a shield, some mind powers, floating powers, and healing spit! I’m a quartz and all I got is a whip, some flames, and I can spin and dash. How lame is that?”

Pearl frowned. “You’re also an amazing shape-shifter. And you certainly aren’t useless or worthless, and none of us think you are either. You are strong, determined, and you see things we miss because we’re so focused on the past or the future. Bismuth used to tell me that I should never judge my own worth and usefulness based on what I can’t do that other Gems can, but keep focused on what I can do… but If it helps, all I’ve got is a spear, some lasers, and infinite storage space.”

Amethyst flopped down next to Pearl so they were back to back. “I don’t know P. that infinite storage space would be pretty rad. Could keep my entire collection with me at all times instead of piled up in The Temple.”

Pearl playfully scoffed. “You say that like it isn’t exactly what I use the ability for.”

Amethyst smiled. “Oh c’mon, you? Hoarding a bunch of useless stuff? I doubt it. I’m sure I have way more things in my piles then you do in that head of yours.”

“Mmmm I don’t know, I currently have 1,657,923,011 items stored in my gem and I use less than one percent of it.”

Amethyst paused. “Damn...you may really be equal or more of a hoarder than me. Who woulda thought.”

There was a long silence as they leaned against each other and looked at the stars.

Amethyst spoke again. “Ya know, you’re the only one who thinks you’re worthless and useless too Pearl.”

Pearl let out a long sigh. “I know, I really do, deep down. I just...forget sometimes.”

“Yeah well, I’m sure forty plus days with Miss Lightbulb Head didn’t help too much in that department.” 

“Miss Lightbulb?” Pearl broke down into a hearty laugh that brought happy tears to her eyes and reverberated off Amethyst. “That is the most humorously accurate and creative description of White I have ever heard.”

Amethyst smiled, proud of herself for that reaction. Then she blushed and mumbled. “Yeah, and if you ask me, she clearly ain’t a bright bulb since she thinks you are just some sort of thing instead of a living, independent being.”

“Thank you Amethyst.” Pearl chuckled and then jested. “You going to keep being sappy over there quartz? Or should we keep making up stories for the man in the painting?”

Before Amethyst could reply the door creaked open. Amethyst looked over and saw one of the local high schoolers, Lauren.

“Hey kid, what up?” Amethyst greeted and waved.

“Oh, Amethyst!” Lauren looked nervously at Pearl and shoved her hands into her hoodie pocket.

“Don’t be shy, this is Pearl, she’s pretty cool too.” Amethyst beckoned Lauren over.

“Ah yes, cool.” Pearl tried to wink and snap her fingers again.

Lauren cautiously joined, sitting next to Amethyst. “So what brings you here tonight Amethyst?”

“I was just showing Pearl around. Fed the rats, made up stories for the dude.” Amethyst gestured to the painting.

“Oh, you mean Dr. Lector Kramer?” Lauren’s face lit up. “He ran this place for years. Rumor has it he was trying a bunch of experimental research on tonse of patients without approval and pitting patients against each other. Then he lost his mind and started eating the ones that lost his little games. Supposedly, one of the patients turned the tables and trapped him in one of his own experiments and now he haunts these empty halls. Pretty morbid and cool right? Although I’ve never seen anything super weird here. The cemetery for sure, but not here. Mostly I just like the ambience and how clear the stars are.”

“Whoa, that is way more twisted than the stories we came up with for the dude.” Amethyst laughed.

Pearl stared at the portrait with wide eyes and then started scanning the room for any signs of trouble.

Amethyst moved away from Pearl and placed and arm around Lauren. “Hey, you know all the myths and constellations right? Pearl will probably find them pretty interesting, she knows a lot about stars and stuff.”

Pearl shrugged. “Well, I know our location within the sector in relation to Homeworld and the Gem designations for the stars, not any of the human stories. I’d love to hear though.” She looked at Lauren and smiled.

Lauren hyperventilated a bit and then smiled and took a deep breath. Amethyst expected this, she knew Lauren was a nervous kid, and kind of odd, but once she started talking about things she really likes she would go a mile a minute.

The three laid down in a triangle with their heads together. Pearl and Lauren just pointed at stars and talked about the stories and pictures humans created out of them. Lauren brought out a little green laser pointer to show exactly what she meant, mentioning she had to be careful with it, but since the airport shut down nearby it was less dangerous.

Pearl ended up asking about one faint speck of light particular that Amethyst recognized as the galaxy Homeworld was in.

Lauren nodded. “Oh, that one is pretty interesting. It’s actually the farthest object we can see in the night sky with the naked eye, and the only other galaxy that can be seen without a telescope. This galaxy is on a collision course with it too, although it will be waaaaaaaay, way in the future before that happens. We call it the Andromeda galaxy. The constellation Andromeda is this one right here,” she pointed out a few starts.

“She’s riding on the back of Pegasus, a winged horse,” she pointed to a square like group of stars, “and she’s being rescued by Perseus in the Milky Way band. It kinda looks like he’s looking up her skirt.” 

Lauren pointed out another constellation, “Perseus slayed the gorgon Medusa and then stumbled upon Andromeda and rescued her from the sea monster Cetus. They ended up getting married and Perseus turned one of the guests to stone with Medusa’s severed head because Andromeda had previously been promised to him so he objected the union.”

“Gee I didn’t realize how hardcore human stories got.” Amethyst noted.

“Any particular reason you wanted to know about Andromeda?” Lauren asked Pearl.

“That’s just where I’m from and where the Gem Homeworld is located. I was just interested in the story humans have attached to it.” Pearl shrugged.

“Whoa, you came all the way from another galaxy! That’s so cool. Humans can’t even get to the next planet in the solar system yet. I love how massive the universe is though. It reminds me how small and insignificant my life is in the grand scheme of things.” Lauren shifted a little, getting comfortable.

“You…  _ like _ that feeling?” Pearl asked.

Amethyst grinned, she could picture Pearl’s expression of confused curiosity on her face from her tone alone.

“Of course!” Lauren smiled as she talked. “I never got why everyone feels they have to be the center of everything. They just end up unhappily struggling for something that can never be achieved. I prefer to look at the vastness of the life and space and remember that all of my problems are so small and inconsequential. Makes me feel like I can tackle anything that comes my way because it’s not really going to matter in the end. And it gives me the freedom to be happy pursuing whatever I want rather than what I think will have the most impact. I have so many friends that want to be something grand like a surgeon, or the president, but really, they just want to feel important and have no interest in those fields. Me? I just want to make the special effects in horror movies, even just B movies. I just think that’s what is fun and would make me the happiest. Whenever I feel overwhelmed with things in my life I just look up and think this planet is just a speck in the universe, and I’m just a speck on that speck, and it makes me feel invincible, you know?”

Pearl brought one of her legs to a ninety-degree angle and rested her hands on her stomach, “I have certainly never thought of things that way… the power of being small. I would say freedom and happiness are not insignificant things though.”

Lauren nodded, “Fair enough, although I think most people focus more on how you find happiness and freedom and judge that over actually being free and happy. What do I know though, I’m just another high schooler in a small, run-down town.”

“Perhaps more than you give yourself credit for.” Pearl replied.

Amethyst looked over at Pearl and was surprised the slender Gem looked completely relaxed and content.

Eventually Lauren left to go home before her mom got off her second job. Amethyst asked Pearl what she wanted to do next. Pearl put both hands behind her head and said. “I think I just want to stare at the stars and enjoy feeling small for a while longer.”

Amethyst grinned and mimicked Pearl’s position. “Pfft, welcome to every second to every day of my life Pierogi.”

They remained there for another hour before heading back home. Before Pearl went into her room, Amethyst grabbed her arm. “Hey, next time you get a wild hair to just wing it, let me know. There are plenty of other things to explore. Who knows, maybe one day we’ll actually find a food you like too.”

Pearl shuddered at the mention of food. “I highly doubt that last part, but as for the rest,” she gave a thumbs up, “I look forward to it.”

Amethyst rolled her eyes. “Dork.”

“You know it.” Pearl grinned and left into her room.

Amethyst felt a surge of energy, like a massive weight had been removed from her chest. Then she realized there was also pride. She had been able to help and contribute to Pearl being happy just by being herself. 

  
Amethyst decided to put the much needed boost to use and walked outside. She tied her hair into a ponytail and spent the rest of the night training with her whip.  _ Just watch, I’m going to protect Pearl, and the others, and this planet. _


End file.
